I'll take it.
What I really want is to work toward graduate school. To further myself as a writer. To publish a novel. To experience working in TV or Film, even if it's from the ground floor a production assistant.
So admittedly, that's a lot to experience. Maybe it's for the best to do so while I'm young and single and can.
That doesn't mean I wouldn't want to share my life with someone, provided it's the right someone. But in this moment, there's a calling. And to ignore it would be like refusing to breathe, I can't...what I do and want to do makes me feel alive and happy and to be committed to someone the way it should be might mean setting it aside. Not entirely, but enough to be noticeable.
But I have to be honest with myself. And with what my heart is telling me. A girlfriend right now isn't nearly as motivating as wanting to create and imagine and do the kind of work I want to do.
I hate that that's true. Because it makes it sound like I'm okay with being alone. It's not that I don't want to find someone, but there's something in me that's more pressing. Call it ambition...or stubbornness...or both.
I can't just let my fire whither up and die.
I know ideally it'd be a matter of being with someone who understands that and wouldn't ask that of me. It's a balance, it really is.
But for now, until circumstances change or that someone comes along, I know I can focus on me and work hard to get where I want to go.
#focus #singlelife #goals #ambitions #work #dedication #drive #writing #theroadtogradschool #ohboy