So I was just casually watching YouTube and one of my recommended videos was titled, "How I stopped cutting." I completely just ditched the video I was currently watching and clicked on that video.
One of the points in it was, "Gave whatever you use to cut with you someone you trust so they can throw it away for you." (Since when you're addicted to cutting, it's hard to let go of your blades.) And honestly it got me thinking... I don't know if this is just a in the moment thing, but I'm thinking about somehow giving my senpai my blades so he can get rid of them for me. I mean, after all I told him that I cut and he listened and helped me by giving me advice. I mean he told me myself to get rid of my blades but in the moment, I said, "But I can cut with anything sharp."
I feel stupid for saying that and I don't know why I said it, because I only cut with pencil sharpener blades.
I have two and I hide them in my phone case.
But yeah... I kinda want to ask him if he'll get rid of them for me because I can't do it myself, but yet again I'm scared it'd be like too much for him. Or he'll think I'm even weirder than I already am, because honestly I say a lot of weird things to him... whoops.
Like I said, idk if I actually will, it might just be a spur of the moment thought that I won't follow through with.
Plus if I did give them to him, how would I? I only see him on Sunday's and we never talk irl. It'd also be hard to get him alone so I can give him my blades. Also like I said... I don't want him to be like, "But why me?" And think I'm weird and such...
Ugh I just don't know.
It's also weird because I want to stop but yet again I don't really... Ugh idk.