ewan@transceur

scots twenty-something climbing trees and hills. transmasc.
💉 5/11/2015 || top lop 23/2/2017

439 posts 1,253 followers 256 following

i dislike concealing my transness. it is something so integral to my sense of identity and community that in places of relative safety i actively dislike people not being aware.

i am now in the privileged place that people don't know upon first meeting me and since that started it has become increasingly important to me that i remain visible. i used to hate it. i once sat in a doctor's office and told them i didn't want to be trans. i didn't want people to know i was trans; i wanted to go straight from being recognised female into recognised male. i didn't want to acknowledge the grey areas of gender and i did not wANT TO BE TRANS.

so i'm comfortable with that now. and i don't want anyone else to feel uncomfortable with their trans status, so if it makes cis people uncomfortable or if they think i mention it too much... fuck it. i spent too much time not wanting it to be there.

#trans #transgender #pride #transpride #ftm #genderqueer #lgbt #lgbtq #vitamint #transmasculine #transguy #transpositive #instagay #queer #topsurgery #ftmfitness #photography


6

i should probably start walking when there's a view again so i don't have to mark it with muddy boots.

#barefoot #barefoothiking #barefootlife #running #vivobarefoot #vivotracker#ftmfitness #hillwalking #liveoutdoors #longestlacesintheworld


1

wee sunset amble over stirling. TOTALLY ignoring that i need to be in work for seven tomorrow


1

two years on hrt. i remember saying at one year that i didn't really feel that much had changed but i was happy with what had. which wasn't untrue, but there was an element of persuading myself and putting my best thoughts out there. i was still putting up a lot more of a front than i am today.

i don't know if it's testosterone, if it was surgery, just getting another year older or/and positive influences around me, but i feel more free day-to-day to be myself than i have in an exceedingly long time (we're talking since i was an actual kid). even when i am feeling crap and annoying and paranoid, i'm more able than i used to be to own up to that and ask for help. and that makes things that scare me a lot less terrifying.

and on a more upbeat note, i am sillier, louder, camper and refuse to be ashamed for any of those things. oh and hairier.


19

ma boi, @adecurrie, is one year on t today. all glo up. also what sort of asshole looks good with a chin angled photo? it's just rude.

been a long year, pal, proud as hell to be your mate through all of it... even if you need to wear your glasgow wardrobe in stirling. OWN THAT LOOK.

#trans #ftm #transguy #genderqueer #lgbt #lgbtq #vitamint #nebido #transmasculine #transmasc #ftmtransition #transpositive #selfmademan #instagay #guyslikeus #gay #1yearont #2yearsont


4

loved this wee tree doing its own thing on a rock in the middle of a river.

the cassell, rosehall - 13/10/2016

#visitscotland #sutherland #photography #nature #autumn #fall #nofilter #noneedwhentheresasunset #andyourepretendingtobehighbrow


0

UPDATE: i continue to have cute cheeks. very pre-hrt, immediately pre-hrt, just shy of 1 year and just shy of 2 years.

side note, just realised that was directly before i got sick last year because you can see in my one year pics i had gotten really gaunt. so it's probably a more accurate comparison than my actual year ones.

#trans #ftm #transguy #genderqueer #lgbt #lgbtq #vitamint #transmasculine #transmasc #ftmtransition #transpositive #selfmademan #instagay #smile #tbt


5

that face when you remember in the lift on way out of interview the point you particularly wanted to highlight #fail #ohwellnexttime #ftm


2

best time up in sutherland (and thereabouts) this past week with the family. much needed.

#travel #scotland #visitscotland #stayandwander #goandexplore #photography #nature #dogs #dogsbribedtoimpersonatebears #liveoutdoors #autumn #ftm


6

just scoping out a bit of real estate

Carn Liath Broch
0

forgot to say to folk before i hit signal and wifi free zone, i am incommunicado up north for a much needed respite from city/internet with the fam. but just hit a brief 4G tho

Stoer Head
4

glad was able to get myself out for @alisongentleman_ and her birthday bash with some of my favourite people. taxi driver did just try to kill @corrker, @lotrevett, @ash_mitxh and myself but home now... and 4 hours til work

#trans #ftm #genderqueer #lgbt #transpositive #gay #lesbian #seealisonirememberedthistime #alsoicantbeleftwithcandles #iwillstartsculpting


1

always nice to have an opp to #nofilter. on the cycle to work this morning.

#glasgow #clyde #clydearc #finniestoncrane


1

when you're trying for a solid squad goals picture but ash is a bit of a blur and ade is being... ade. also @corrker isn't in it so it's obvs a bust D:
• • •
#ftm #transguys #genderqueer #lgbt #poserpics #somuchchin #vitamint #transmasculine


1

when yer da sends homework to your office... have been thoroughly slagged of by the guard on the door. what's worse is it totally would have got through my letterbox


0

after going to an absolutely perfect celebration of my old tutor's life this afternoon, i took @adecurrie (well, he drove, but i directed) on a wee tour of the ochil hillfoots. poor guy even survived my grandparents in tilly... sometimes you just need a wander with a pal to clear out some of the cobwebs. and appropriate a tshirt.


2

we got a little concerned at the top when only two of us were left... we also made coo friend

Goat Fell
0

good climb times with @rebecca.coull and m after a looooooooooooong morning at work. very much needed! (many cake has also been eaten; climbing centre knows their audience...). m did far too well for a first timer, particularly a first timer claiming not to be confident!
.
#indoorclimbing #climbing #bouldering #ftmfitness


5

we went jumping. have many tireds.


0

and people say i'm not blonde... day 680 on t, fluffy with a chance of stubble.
.
#trans #ftm #transguy #genderqueer #transmasculine #nebido #istilllook17


7

just had my final check in with the surgeon. finally met miss dabritz but i'm a bit gutted kate wasn't here for me to thank before i go off and live my life. but more glad to have seen the back of nmgh
. . .
no issues, my weird white lump is just scar tissue that built up around a suture and should fade down over the years.
. . .
this guy just got a date too which is muchos exciting.
. . .
#trans #ftm #transmasculine #ftmtransition #topsurgery #misskatewilliams #gritdabritz


3

"too cool for school" as someone shouted to us mid-afternoon on friday. couldn't have wished for a better escape buddy to dublin than this wee beauty.
• • • •
#holiday #travel #prebrexitemergencyeutravel


3

see ya, dublin. we've had a blast.


0

second (and second last 😭) day in dublin with this wee babe. spent most of the day tourist trapping, guiness-bashing (despite the pictured, gents is not a fan and i dinnae drink) and bus navigating before heading out to pantibar for a wee drink, some random place with rubbish crepes to satisfy a craving before going on to the george so i could break out my dad-dancing. bumped into the very lovely @thomasvc, wonders of social media and community, doesn't matter where you go... if you find a rainbow bar you can find someone you recognise!


2

so tesco may have closed before i could get a wee pint of milk to have at the hotel tonight...


2

fake couple selfies on our wee city break in dublin with @alisongentleman_


1

more successful ben lomond walk with @corrker today than my miserable trip up in june. did walk through cloud a bit but more fog than thick, soaking cloud. grumpy ewan photo was due to the person with the friggin LOUDSPEAKER PUMPING OUT DANCE MUSIC UP A MOUNTAIN and ecstatic ewan was when nathaniel bought me sorbet then hot chocolate at balmaha when we were done.
• • • • • •
#trans #ftmfitness #barefoothiking #nature #munrobagging #exceptactuallyjust3rdtimeatbenlomond #istgidoothermountains #benlomond #hillwalking


3

this fella looks like he has consumed vast quantities of irn bru. or maybe i just wish i had rn... #slug #scotland #rainydays #idontwannagogym

Village Gym Glasgow
2

so i realised i'm six months post-op from my top surgery today. some reflections:

i know, at six months, i don't have the neatest results out there. i'm very red (normal for me with scarring regardless of treatment, i'm a slow healer), the side that picked up the infection is stretched and uneven, the side that's okay has a random suture(?) that never dissolved  and has left a white lump on my scar. when my nips are soft one is round and the other is oval. but it's closed/healed, i'm mobile, i can wear what i like and only worry about hips. and most days i even like the issues, they tell my story.

i put together some "firsts" that i remember being important to me as they happened. they might seems small and silly but i had top surgery because i couldn't not bind anymore and it was physically and emotionally painful living day-to-day for me. i had developed back problems (that are going to continue for sometime yet) that impacted on everything from exercise to sleep, i always saw my binder regardless of what i wore and my mind told me everyone else did too, i couldn't work long days  which had a sorely negative effect on my working hours. so sometimes since surgery an everyday thing gets done and it feels ducking fantastic. so here's to those little silly moments.

surgery: bilateral mastectomy with dermal flap by miss kate williams at north manchester general hospital
• • • • • •
#trans #ftm #transguy #genderqueer #transmasculine #topsurgery #bodypositive #misskatewilliams #gritdabritz


9