A Light In The Darkness (Kai)@alightinthedrk

Logan Square, Chicago. Coping life since ‘09. Creativity is life💚 All original posts by me!! #bipolar #depression #anxiety #DBSA #AFSP #stopsuicide

https://afsp.donordrive.com/participant/KaiSurvives

I definitely was not the type to ask for help. I’m getting better at it everyday💚
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It’s hard to accept help when offered. So reaching out and ask for help was way beyond a possibility for me. While you are falling into the ditch deeper and deeper, after certain point, there is no way of coming out by yourself.
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It took years before I realized I needed more help and I couldn’t get out on my own. It didn’t happen once, it didn’t happen twice. I thought if I took that help that time, all would be fixed. Turned out I was in a deep deep ditch that I needed more that 2 or 3 help.
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After I took a few help, I started to notice the pattern. Every time I took a help, I fell down more before getting better. It ALWAYS got worse before things begin to get better.
At one point, I stopped asking for more help because I was too scared of getting worse again.
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I’ve been learning how to get out every time. The last withdrawal and little trauma, I’ve gotten out in 3 weeks. I’m managing it well.
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I talk to people, I ask for their past experiences and advices based on that experience.
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Reaching out for help is way easier said than done. But it’s a skill, it’s something you can learn. More you do, better you get.
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I’m walking for suicide prevention awareness in Chicago on 9/22/18. I want to raise $1500. If you can contribute to my fundraiser, it is greatly appreciated!
Please use the link in bio!
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#askingforhelp #help #mentalhealth #mentalillness #mentalwellness #mentalhealthart #mentalhealthisreal #depression #depressionrecovery #anxiety #mentalhealthstigma #mentalhealthmatters #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthadvocate #keeptalkingmh #notalone #reachingout #arttherapy #artoninstagram #handwriting #handlettering #colorpencil #colortherapy #sketchbook #fundraiser #stopsuicide #suicideprevention #afsp #igmentalhealth #icare


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Color pencil sketches are very handy😊
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This was done on the same day that I couldn’t sleep because I was hyper. Repetition helps me calm down. I did for maybe 1 hr that day (after another sketch) and worked on 2 more hours next morning.
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Repeats are probably correlated to my level of anxiety. I don’t have patience to create an overall idea but following a pattern and keep changing colors help me.
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When you are on high anxiety, you gotta do what you have to do. Medicine was not an option this evening because I already took it earlier that day for something else.
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Feel good or bad or super good or horribly bad, I have to keep making. That’s my way out.
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What caused it? I wish I know so I can avoid it next time. But sometimes, it just happens and all you can do is use all the skills you have learned so far. If that doesn’t work, it’s trial and error with creativity.
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I’m still doing walk for suicide prevention!! If you’d like to help me raise $1500, please use the link in my bio! Thank you!
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#mentalillness #anxiety #anxietydisorder #mentalillness #mentalwellness #mentalhealthart #doodle #doodlesofinstagram #arttherapy #artoninstagram #keeptalkingmh #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthmatters
#mentalhealthadvocate #rumination #ruminatingthoughts #latenight #couldntsleep #colorpencil #colortherapy #colorful #simplepattern #pattern #zoom #artwork #suicideprevention #suicideawareness #stopsuicide #afsp @afspnational @afspillinois #sketchbook


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Thank you for supporting me, everyone!!💚
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It supposed to be $415 out of $1500 but I messed up. My world wouldn’t crash because I messed up one writing.
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I’m raising money for Suicide Prevention Chicagoland Walk for 9/22/18. The goal is $1500.
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I advocate for mental illness because it has affected me a lot so far in my life in not particularly in a good way. I know there are many people out there who are struggling like I did for years. I want to keep talking about my current and past challenges and reach out to people in indirect way.
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If you’d like to help me raise $1500 for @afspnational, please use the link in bio!
Your contribution is greatly appreciated!!
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Almost 800 followers mean I’m so close to 1000🤩 I’ll just keep going and see where this takes me.
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#afsp #ootd #suicide #suicideprevention #suicidepreventionawareness #suicideawareness #fundraiser #forgoodcause #mentalhealth #mentalillness #mentalwellness #mentalhealthart #mentalhealthisreal #mentalhealthstigma #mentalhealthmatters #mentalhealthadvocate #mentalhealthawareness #notalone #followers #800followers #charity #keeptalkingmh #justkeepswimming #doodle #colorpencil #arttherapy #artoninstagram #artistoninstagram #sketchbook #colortherapy @afspillinois


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Title: You Are Hyper
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I had anxious day a few days ago. I don’t really know what happened. Before I realized I was very anxious, I was told I’m a little hyper.
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I believe I can make certain things while I’m in certain mood. But depression definitely tell you to not do anything except to dwell in the thoughts. But I’m trying to get out of that.
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I force myself in front of sketchbook and writing utensil and see what can happen. This was what came out. I worked on this for about an hour as I played Netflix in the background.
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It’s many many overlaps of repetitive pattern. That’s how my internal unknown hyper really is.
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#anxiety #anxietydisorder #arttherapy #colorpencil #colortherapy #rumination #repetition #cantstop #thoughts #notalone #artistoninstagram #artoninstagram #sketchbook #doodle #eveninganxiety #keeptalkingmh #mentalhealth #mentalillness #mentalwellness #mentalhealthart #mentalhealthisreal #mentahealthadvocate #mentalhealthmatters #mentahealthawareness #igmentalhealth #icare #selfcare #copingskills


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I’ve always joked that my husband is my sponsor. But he really is for what I do💚
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It always felt wrong to call my significant other a sponsor. I had a meltdown three nights ago regarding the huge difference in our financial dynamic.
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I’ve always knew that to live the life doing what I really wanted wouldn’t generate money therefore impossible.
1. I love doing and giving arts and craft for/to people I care
2. I love volunteering because it gave me meaning and purpose. I just want to volunteer. I felt that my worth was way more than any amount of money could buy.
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I thought it was impossible lifestyle but since I talk about everything to anyone with great enthusiasm about every little to big idea I ever have, I told him right after we started dating 9 years ago. I thought he is going to laugh but he was indifferent and told me he can give me that living.
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Long story short, we are finally here after years of his schooling. I’m finally starting to get into MY things the way I wanted!
1. I’m going to restart Etsy shop selling my artwork/crafts and donate a portion to non-profit Suicide Prevention organization.
2. Social media advocacy takes a lot of time and energy. I want to do more travel walks next year. Mental heath advocacy is my volunteering!!
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My husband is my sponsor for my arts and craft and advocacy.
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Cheers to officially calling him my sponsor!!
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#mysponsor #mysupporter #etsystore #restartingetsy #slowrecovery #sellingartwork #artistoninstagram #mentalhealth #mentalillness #mentalwellness #mentalhealthart #suicideprevention #donation #goodcause #notalone #businesssponsor #selfemployed #dreamjob #lifegoal #itshappening #italkalot #husband #marriage #relationship #finance #colorpencil #lettering #colorpencillettering #doodle


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My new “withdrawal blanket”💚
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Before @justinakocher told me I was having bad migraine and need to try Excedrin, I was battling horrible headache, eyestrain, and nausea that I couldn’t move around or keep my eyes open for 2.5 weeks. But I had to do something to distract myself from the pain and discomfort so I decided to finger crochet something big (scissors for scale).
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I worked on this for about 15 hours before I got bored and had to move on to something else.
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Making something is my nature. Even when I’m feeling horrible and can’t keep eyes open, I have to do it to keep me sane. So this time I finger crocheted.
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I had withdrawal effect from medication reduction and stopping for total of 6 weeks. It was not fun but we are tapering much slower from now on. I’ve been asking my doctors for this change for a year and a half and finally my doctor gave me a go. It was my choice to change, I asked for it. I still few that this had to be done. But I definitely didn’t expect to be as bad as I had it.
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To anyone who is battling addiction withdrawal, I praise you for the battle you are putting yourself through. I couldn’t go through and went back on medicine. I don’t know how you do it. I’m sorry you have a such difficulty.
Thank you for fighting💚
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Note: my medication is always under the supervision of a doctor. I would never make any changes without informing, or getting approvals/direction.
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#withdrawal #duloxetinewithdrawal #withdrawalsymptoms #medicine #medication #medicationchange #addiction #medchange #discontinuationsyndrome #dailymedicine #psychiatry #psychiatric #blanket #creator #crochet #mentalhealth #mentalillness #mentalhealthart #mentalwellness #depression #depressionrecovery #cymbalta #duloxetine #notalone #justkeepswimming #migraine #worstpainever #yarn #fingercrochet #mycreation


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Why it’s so hard to say “tomorrow is another day” when depression is bad.
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Now days I’m handling these okay. I say “let’s do this all over again tomorrow”.
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Beyond certain point of depression, tomorrow is not a fresh start. Tomorrow is another dreading repeat of what you barely got by today.
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You don’t have to remind depressed person that tomorrow is a fresh new start. Instead help them figure out ONE thing that they can do differently tomorrow.
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Reminder: I’m stable, I don’t need help right now. Please help someone near you, not me. I speak for those who don’t have the voice. There is someone who can’t ask for help because they are so depressed.
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#depression #depressionrecovery #depressionjourney #mentalhealth #mentalillness #mentalwellness #mentalhealthart #mentalhealthisreal #mentalhealthadvocate #mentalhealthmatters #mentalhealthawareness #everydaybattle #everydaystruggle #everyday #everyfreakingday #notalone #keeptalkingmh #igmentalhealth #anxiety #anxietydisorder #depressionisreal #doodle #arttherapy #journaling #journalentry #sketchbook #selfexpression #darkness #artistoninstagram #ArtistOfInstagram


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Yesterday’s 72 color pencil sharpening with box cutter💚
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Third video make more sense if you see it upside down. Then pieces aren’t flying up😆
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It takes about 35 seconds to do each pencil. If I break it it adds a minute.
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#colorpencil #colorpencils #colorpencildrawing #drawingprep #oldschool #whynot #sharpening #pencilsharpening #handsharpening #boxcutter #oneatatime #sharpeningvideo #soothing #calmingeffect #repetition #artprep #preparation #pencil #sundaysharpening #mentalhealthadvocate


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Say NO, say I can’t do this anymore, because you are doing too much💚
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I have tendency to overload myself. I used to never cannot say NO. Not really because I felt guilty but because I felt like I was going to miss out on this life changing opportunity (even to just tag along for grocery shopping..).
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Now days I say YES very very carefully. I say YES way less than I say NO. Because I’m done with life of keep saying YES ➡️ overdo things ➡️ I can’t handle anything anymore ➡️ quit all at same time to regain my mental energy back. I’ve done enough cycles I’m moving on from that lifestyle.
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If the choice you are given isn’t good for you for the long run, say NO. There is ALWAYS someone else who is better suited for the position than you are. You don’t have to be I-can-solve-this-person’s-problem-by-me-signing-up person. There is always someone else. There are 7.6 billion people on Earth.
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My motto: Don’t take on the responsibility that you are enthusiastic about.
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#selfcare #responsibility #sayNO #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #anxiety #stressrelief #mentalillness #mentalhealthart #mentalhealthisreal #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthmatters #mentalhealthadvocate #notalone #onestepatatime #keeptalkingmh #simplicity #handwriting #handlettering #copicmarkers #brushpen #colorpencil #lettering #depressionrecovery #nottheeasiest #enthusiasm #burnout #learnfrommistakes


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“Day1”. Repetition helps me.
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Heavy heavy cloudy pressuring my head and body. Pain killers don’t work. What am I supposed to do? Guess I don’t have much choice other than to wait for this round.
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My endometriosis exploratory surgery had to be rescheduled to next month because I had to use aspirin consistently last week. Bummer.
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#womenshealth #timeofthemonth #periodcrampssuck #headache #justwaiting #whatcanido #repetition #arttherapy #selfexpression #justkeepswimming #dontholditinside #colortherapy #colorpencil #watercolor #mixmedia #girlproblems #everyfreakingmonth #cycle #day1 #forthetimebeing #stigma #notalone #endometriosis #undiagnosed #painsucks #fightforyourpain #repeat #rumination #whattodo #justwaiting


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I made this 2 weeks ago but got really sick from withdrawal symptoms after finishing this.
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It’s actually 99 days left from today!! Also it’s currently at $390😅 But I spent good time calculating and making this so I wanted to share💚
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Roughly $10 per day and I should be able to hit my goal!
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Suicide prevention starts from awareness and talking about it.
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If you would like to contribute, please use the link in bio!!
Thank you in advance.
#stopsuicide #endthestigma
@afspillinois @afspnational
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#mentalhealth #mentalillness #mentalwellness #mentalhealthart #mentalhealthisreal #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthadvocate #mentalhealthmatters #igmentalhealth #suicideprevention #afspchicago #afsp #latepost #notalone #stigmafree #keeptalkingmh #watercolor #fundraiser #donation #goodcause #suicideawareness #mentalhealthstigma #2weekslate #icandoit #wecandoit #charity


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Rumination💚
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Same thoughts over and over and over and over. Non/stop, maybe slightly different but after all, it’s all about the same thing.
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It’s a result of anxiety and depression. It’s no fun. Logic doesn’t apply. Rationalization is out the window. You can’t close your ears or eyes and they do nothing.
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It’s like 5 radios and 2 movies playing all at same time at the loudest volume. And someone is talking to you and you are supposed to comprehend.
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#mentalhealth #mentalillness #mentalwellness #mentalhealthart #mentalhealthisreal #mentalhealthmatters #mentalhealthstigma #mentalheathadvocate #mentalheathawareness #mentalhealthwarrior #stigmafree #endthestigma #lonelybattle #anxiety #anxietydisorder #depression #depressionrecovery #depressionfighter #repetition #repeat #overandoverandover #nonstop #screaming #echos #insidethehead #watercolor #arttherapy #selfexpression #crayola #abstractartist


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