A Light In The Darkness@alightinthedrk

Kai N’s spontaneous creativity life🌊
Coping since ‘09
Original posts only!
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A Light In The Darkness

Here are kitty toys I made yesterday😸
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I was socially absent for about 6 weeks due to a depressive phase of bipolar 2. I can’t predict when it happens but when it does, I just have to do my best without pushing myself to the edge of the cliff.
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Coping with a phase is one thing but transitioning back into the function-mode is another. I’m finally restarting posting on Instagram and Facebook Page. I have a lot of art work that need to be shared.
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One day at a time💚
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#cattoy #craftday #catmom #fatigue #copingskill #justkeepswimming #arttherapy #bipolar2 #depression #hypomania #mentalhealth #mentalhealthwarrior #mentalhealthawareness #notalone #stayalive #italwayspasses #felt #feltcraft #minisewing #catnip #justmakesomething #creativitylife #diycattoy


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A Light In The Darkness

I paint how I need to at that moment💚
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Things you can create only in that moment and never again. Those are the things I like.
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Letting creativity lead me rather than a precise plan controlled with perfectionism.
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One and only is the way to go💚
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On this day, I was very gloomy. PMS (PMDD) was hitting me hard. I was going downhill into depression and I couldn’t control it. I knew it was just the beginning and worse was yet to come. It happens every month. I’d expected myself to ride the wave like an expert by now but unfortunately it’s not like that. Every cycle is different yet in similar pattern. In the end, it just sucks.
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Medium: acrylic paint by Windsor and Newton, canvas paper, paint brush
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#abstract #abstractart #abstractpainting #acrylic #acrylicpaint #windsorandnewton #arttherapy #therapy #creativity #creativitylife #mentalhealthadvocate #selfexpression #selfexpressionist #canvaspaper #artsupply #oneandonly #pmdd #pmsday #pms #moody #irritation #depression #patterns #repetition #notalone #justkeepswimming #mentalhealthwarrior #womenshealth


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A Light In The Darkness

New diagnosis, new journey💚
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I’ve been in pretty dark place for PMDD (PreMenstrual Dysphoric Disorder) for past a week and a half. Maybe stress from surgery contributed but who knows. I haven’t shutdown like that in a few cycles where I desert my phone in a room. But when it hits, it hits. Struggled with suicidal ideation last couple days, just not fun.
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Since I have gotten adenomyosis suspected diagnosis, I’ve found online communities where many of my pain and treatment questions have been answered and tons and tons of resources for furthering my education. It’s just great to know the word that open you up to people and information you were looking for all along.
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My pain is real, I’m not imagining or over exaggerating. There are other people whom Rx pain meds do nothing. There are other people who beyond dread every cycle and stay home, can’t breathe for sharp pains, feeing like metal object is scraping, stabbing, and drilling, etc. Pain sucks especially when it’s invisible.
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Trying to get help but it takes years before you find the person and people who know what you are talking about and actually will work with you for an answer. It takes years until you realize something isn’t right about the body and you have to go all-in for the search for the solution. It takes years before the coping methods suggested by so many people are not good enough for you.
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Getting a diagnosis isn’t asking for a label. Getting a diagnosis is learning the word that help you live better.
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Regardless of your age, don’t give up to find your answer for your body. I gave up on myself in early teens, I decided that I will “deal with it”; it was wrong move. Anything is better to catch sooner than later.
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Life isn’t about surviving the pain, now I know. Pain is a con that is outweighed by pros of rest of the life.
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Pain sucks. Pain is horrible when you are alone. It’s way easier when you find other people who are fighting the same pain everyday.
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#adenomyosis #endometriosis #endosisters #adenomyosisawareness #adeno #womenshealth #womenshealthawareness #uterus #uterusproblems #cramp #pain #menstrualcramp #notalone #diagnosis #pmdd #suicidalideation #mentalhealth


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A Light In The Darkness

New toy that I bought a couple months ago, #ceramicstucco 🤩
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I’ve been eyeballing this texture paint base for 2 years. A couple months ago, I bought it! Then I finally opened it this week!
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It looks like concrete but sand is so fine and smooth. Much smaller sand than what you find at beaches.
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You can use this before paint like here or mix with paint. Whatever you want to do! Because art has no rule😎 (As long as it doesn’t cause a trouble)
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I’ve been having migraine two days in a row. It hasn’t been fun but that’s what have to deal with so I can get better💚
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#liquitex @liquitexofficial #art #artsupply #artist #artprep #canvasprep #canvas #texture #texturepaint #spoon #plasticspoon #acrylic #acrylicpaint #arttherapy #artistofinstagram #antianxiety #selfexpression #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #mentalwellbeing #mhadvocateartist #creativity #creativityrules #freedomofpainting #sand #ceramic #artsupplies #happyfriday


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A Light In The Darkness

Because you can never have enough pens😆
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This pen is SO satisfying to write!! Love the flow of ink and the contact with the paper!! Now I need to learn how to utilize this🤔
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#pilot #pilotparallel #pilotparallelpen #parallelpen #newpen #satisfied #newpen #lettering #calligraphy #calligrafriends #penhoarder #antianxiety #newtool #newtoy #newisalwaysbetter #rhodia #rhodiapaper #dotpaper #ink #redink #followyourheart #followyourpen


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A Light In The Darkness

The hardest thing in everyday life😫 Especially eating!
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These are all sketches. I enjoy doing these. Very calming doodles😊
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#antianxiety #overwhelmed #consistency #anxiety #mentalhealth #mentalillness #mentalhealthadvocate #mentalhealthawareness #dailystruggle #motivation #doodle #zentangle #micron #lettering #sketch #sketchbook #markerpaper #fatigue


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A Light In The Darkness

I had laparoscopy for endometriosis 2 days ago. The surgery was 4.5 hours delayed and was scheduled for 1.5 hour but I was out in 20 min😞
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The immediate feedback was that they didn’t find endometriosis. I was regaining consciousness on the way to recovery and it was the first thing I asked half awake. When I heard it, I started crying. It felt like my monthly pain has been denied and felt like everything had shutdown. I was bawling entire time I was in recovery but after being able to go bathroom, I was discharged.
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Looking back now, I was tired, hungry, and dehydrated for 20 hours so that probably contributed, too. But my worst fear of going into the surgery was if they don’t find anything. The news felt like the worst case scenario came in real life.
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The next day, the doctor called me and told me she didn’t find endometriosis but also told me that she thinks I have what’s called adenomyosis where endometrium lining is buried in uterus muscle. The reason she “thinks” is that there is no way to confirm 100% unless they cut up uterus in pieces to look at them. This was a brand new information and took a few hours to comprehend it. I was hoping for some immediate even slight relief from monthly cramp after surgery so for awhile I was devastated that there is no immediate pain remedy.
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The treatment is about the same as endometriosis which is hormonal therapy. The difference would be there is no ablation to burn the cells. I at least know what is not.
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Thank you a lot to my team of doctors, my friend doctor, my friend pharmacist, my support groups, and my system. It’s been an emotional and anxiety rollercoaster.
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#laparoscopy #adenomyosis #endometriosis #endosisters #surgery #preop #opstop #laparoscopicsurgery #mentalhealthwarrior #mentalhealth #anxiety #bipolar #mentalillness #migraine #diagnosis #mentalhealthadvocate #mhadvocate #healthissue #cramp #monthlycramps #everymonth #painpainpain #notalone #doctor #supportgroup #supportsystem #forbetterfuture


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A Light In The Darkness

Stuff I do. This is my nature😃
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I fought myself for years that these creativities are useless and won’t bring me any money hence I should stop and focus on typical jobs. That did so not go well.
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I’m who I am. I just make stuff. I make stuff and entertain people around me. That’s me. I can’t compete with people who likes to make money because they love money. I have competed in life with what I was born with.
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So I just keep making. Because that’s who I am and what I’ve been doing all my life before I got depressed.
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#depression #mentalhealthwarrior #mentalhealthwarriors #mentalhealth #mentalillness #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthart #mhadvocate #mentalhealthadvocate #keeptalkingmh #notalone #whoiam #creativity #mylife #artlife #mentalhealthmatters #depressionsucks #recoverylife #copingskill #copinglife #arttherapy #mentalhealth #mentalhealthstigma #stigmafree #money


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