A Light In The Darkness@alightinthedrk

Kai N’s spontaneous creativity life🌊
Coping since ‘09
Original posts only!
#AFSP #stopsuicide
Chicago Goal: $1500🌟
⬇️Tap link for my story⬇️

afsp.donordrive.com/participant/KaiSurvives

1,129 posts 818 followers 3,517 following

A Light In The Darkness

Trigger Warning
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It’s ironic I was saving this one for today AND even for the fact for the walk being this weekend.
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I woke up today feeling suicidal. I don’t know what I did. I’ve been having rocky days since two Fridays ago. I’ve been on energy and emotional rollercoaster. Every night I can’t sleep being my brain is wide and loud. Eventually I fall asleep thanks for my tendency for hypersomnia.
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It just got bad this morning so irritable and wanted to get revenge on all the people who just pass by me. When I realized I was starting to plan and was actually figuring out stuff, I made myself to sew.
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It’s sometimes so annoying art can distract everything that I almost feel numb. Rather than enjoying doing art, I’m working on them like a programmed machine. I do what I do and just do, nothing else.
When I do arts and craft, my pain diminishes, cramp disappear, all noises gone. It goes a little extreme and I can erase hunger and thirst too.
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Anyway my count is back to zero. It’s been over a year. But even those stable days, I’ve never got that life appreciation though. I’m just gliding through because that’s what I can do.
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#stopsuicide #ideation #suicidalideation #life #depression #anxiety #endometriosis #pmdd #bipolar #nottoday #crampday #hormonal #mentalhealth #mentalillness #mentalillnessisreal #depressionsucks #mentalhealthart #handwriting #handlettering #calligrafriends


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A Light In The Darkness

5 year procrastination for my husband’s laptop finally taken care of!!!! .... smidge too small😫😫 Remaking it tomorrow.
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Oh well. I finally learned how to make buttonholes! Sewing machines are smart!
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I had a meltdown today from hormone fluctuation but I made myself do art and it calmed down. When I took a break, anxiety came back so I started another project (laptop bag).
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Seems like art is the best painkiller, antidepressant, antianxiety medication I have. Unfortunately they don’t work when I need to get necessities done.
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#diyproject #diy #diysewing #sundayproject #sewing #laptopbag #procrastination #originalpattern #nopattern #sewingfun #spontaneouslife #creativity #keeptalkingmh #mentalillness #womenshealth #headacheallday #anxiety #meltdown #copigskill #mynature #creativitylife #mhadvocateartist #craft #janomelove #buttonhole #newskill #learningsomethingnew


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A Light In The Darkness

Join us for Suicide Prevention 5k💚💚
#stopsuicide
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If the date/time/location aren’t good, you can walk virtually!! Just register and carry on with your life😊
https://afsp.donordrive.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=donorDrive.team&teamID=166997
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Group photo from last year! This photo will be in the slide show this year!!
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#suicideprevention #suicide #afsp #afsp2018 #coping #copingskill #5k #chicago #chicagoland #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthadvocate #mentalhealthmatters #mentalillness
#depression #sicknotweak #depressionsucks #dailystruggle #mentalhealthwarrior #itsokaytonotbeokay #endthestigma #stigmafree #invisibleillness #supportsystem #supportgroup #sketchbook #doodling #lettering #mhadvocateartist


0

A Light In The Darkness

Spontaneous #NAMIwalk Chicago 2018!
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It’s 2018 and we are still here!! Good job to us💚
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I decided to go because I was having one of the crappiest day of the month. It’s been 2 days since I got outside or taken a shower. I just need to do something and I found out that there is a Mental illness awareness walk in 2 hours. I messaged a few friends and headed out.
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Hadasseh kindly came and hung out with me before Walk in between her work💚 I walked 5k while listening to #sparkjoypodcast. My favorite podcast especially when I’m feeling down because they give me good ideas to change my bad habits.
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I think I used my time and energy wisely. I did something memorable for myself. I’m glad I’m strong enough to go to these things on my own nowadays. It’s always nice to see how many people cares for this struggle of life in person. I’m thankful that these events exist.
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#nami #exercise #awarenesswalk #mentalhealth #mentalillness #mentalhealthwarrior #mentalhealthadvocate #keeptalkingmh #mentalhealthmatters #mentalhealthawareness #mentalillnessisreal #depression #anxiety #5k #walk #hormoneimbalance #lakemichigan #chicago #chicagowalk #chicagoland #chicagoartist #lakewalk #grantpark


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A Light In The Darkness

Some days I forget one after another and move on to something else😞 I am working on it. I am paying my therapist weekly to manage this. But this is harder than Calculus III😫
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Especially when I go down hill, I forget. It might be what it’s called brain fog. It’s like I need personal secretary to take notes and remind me every minute from don’t forget to take medicine (that’s in front of me), remember why I’m in the kitchen for the 5th time, recite schedule for the day, etc.
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I don’t know it’s the memory or distractibility. It’s probably both. When brain fog hits, every thing in the vision is distraction. I don’t know how to keep my eyes focused on the current “task” which is not visible.
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I don’t know how to ask for patience when it comes to distractibility. Is it even patience that’s needed to cope?
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#distractibility #distraction #lettering #anxiety #workingonit #therapy #counseling #memory #adhd #depression #adhdworkbook #adhdprotocol #copingskill #copingtechnique #notalone #accomodations #weakness #mentalillness #mentalhealth #keeptalkingmh #nami #sketchbook


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A Light In The Darkness

After 11 months, I made my weighted blanket cover🤩🤩🤩🤩
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I’ve been feeling crappy with bad PMS mood swings (probably #PMDD)today but doing crafts made me forget about it while I worked on it.
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Mood swings are everything including anxiety, antsiness, irritability, screaming, yelling, bawling, raging, bit of depression, high energy, and fatigue. It’s not fun. I felt more better when @deenewcum came and hung out with me💚 Thank you friend!! Nothing can fix or make it gone but bits and pieces of remedy make it tolerable and manageable.
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So the cover is one piece of fabric one side and other side is two because neither were big enough. Before I put the blanket in, I cleaned it well with duck tape thoroughly. It was disgusting thanks to this orange fluff🦁
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Finally it’s anti cat hair!!!
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#weightedblanket #weightedblanketcover #blanketcover #diy #diysewing #anxiety #antianxiety #pms #moodswing #hormoneimbalance #mentalhealth #mentalhealthadvocate #craft #craftproject #sewingproject #overdue #procrastination #finallyhappened #goodjobme #crappyday #crappymoodday #notalone #hormonal #womenhood #hatepms #sewing #craftoftheday #goodinbadday #supportsystem


0

A Light In The Darkness

Only if between appointments weren’t weeks and months😢
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I do want to get better. I want to be on my own as soon as I can. But their schedules, hospital schedule, and meds take long time and we just “hang in there”. Time passes much slower in “hanging in there”.
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#appointment #doctorsappointment #onestepatatime #oneatatime #mentalhealth #physicalhealth #mentalillness #mentalhealthmatters #mentalhealthadvocate #womenshealth #endometriosis #diagnosis #lettering #sketchbook #always #hanginthere #headache #cramp #pain #antidepressant #medicine #medication #waiting #alwayswaiting #notalone #patience #keeptalkingmh #nextone #moodstablizer #mildliner


0

A Light In The Darkness

I took public bus into the mountains🚎⛰
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At the top, bus stopped until the scheduled return route time. The driver was very nice and he told me that there were elks in the view that morning! Darn it, I missed them. I gave him this sketch of the view from the top stop.
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#coloradotrip #rtd #colorado #boulder #nederland #nederlandcolorado #nederlandhighschool #publictransit #blackink #blackinksketch #sketch #naturesketch #moutains #busride #bustrip #beingatourist #brushpen #letteringpen #markerpaper #grounding #mentalhealthadvocate #beingmyself #sketchanywhere


0

A Light In The Darkness

One of the concepts that was so hard to grasp when I was struggling alone💚
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When you are not getting the help you NEED from people you love/like, it’s time to look elsewhere.
Don’t beg for the attention from people you already know who aren’t giving or can’t give it to you. You are wasting your precious little energy you have left.
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Sometimes strangers who struggle the same issue can relate to you than your friends and family who knows the background story. The background story isn’t much needed to understand the struggle when you share similar unfortunate patch of life.
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If you are struggling today, please reach out. If you need help reaching out, send PM/comment to me and other people who make posts like this.
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You are not alone. Hit that send button and reach out. Someone will understand you.
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#keeptalkingmh #mentalheathawareness #mentalhealth #mentalillness #mentalhealthadvocate #mentalillnessisreal #mentalhealthstruggle #depression #anxiety #notalone #strangers #faith #reachout #antidepressant #supportgroup #mentalhealthart #sketchbook #mentalhealthartist #mhadvocateartist #mhaartist #simplicity #mentalhealthstruggle #supportsystem #speakout #speakup #stopsuicide #suicidalthoughts #suicide


0

A Light In The Darkness

Nature sketch with black brush pen for Japanese lettering during the trip
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Trying something different by sitting outside doing art. It was the best grounding skill I’ve ever found so far. Traveling makes me anxious. It’s the anxiety I have to keep pushing because if I let anxiety pull me down, I will be stuck at home the entire year. Trying something new lets me find something better.
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#sketch #brushpen #quicksketch #naturesketch #creekwalk #bouldercreekpath #boulder #bouldercolorado #mountains #anxiety #travel #travelsketch #travelanxiety #groundingmyself #groundingtechnique #mentalhealth #mentalillness #mentalhealthadvocate #mentalhealthawareness #arttherapy #blackink #markerpaper


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