S.C Lourie@butterfliesandpebbles

S.C Lourie.Free Spirit Mama.Writer.Poet.Artist.Storylover. Join me on my new Self-Love Soul-Planner ecourse 👇

www.etsy.com/uk/listing/661700824/new-2019-start-of-year-soul-planner-with

2,571 posts 57,132 followers 107 following

S.C Lourie

I am doing better darlings. I am nearly in 2019 now. 😂I have sorted out my clothes mountain on my sofa 🤣, only to be building a new one with fresh, clean laundry. 🤣 But I am feeling more ready. Really thinking about what it is that I want this year. Like if this year was a blank canvas what would I paint on it. I have been thinking lots about 2018 and why it felt so different from the prior two years and I think it's got to do with what I have written on this picture. It was the longing and relentless thirst for "the new" that directed my 2018. New moments, new experiences, new lands inside me, new approaches to old feelings, new perspective. My 2018 was my hardest year yet in some ways. But by the end of it everything generally came together and there I was at the end, thinking how it happened. How I had come full circle in so many things when life just felt like constrained chaos most of the year. And I think it's this. I think I powered myself up through the year in a way I haven't done before. I powered myself up with some serious intentional living. I learned the difference between intention & expectation. I learned the difference between pressure & possibility. The difference between pressure & potential too. I learned the difference between collapsing & surrendering. And that when we are not honest with ourselves and what we really feel & want, we hide our power from ourselves. A power that can really shift things it you stay true to it. I learned even more that with self-love you can heal the deepest and darkest within you. That you can free your light like with nothing else out there. I want to go deeper into all of this, this year. I have grown my appetite. I am hungry for more. And so darlings, like I do, I am putting these principles into a new year online experience. Do you fancy working with some themes & principles of self-love & intentional living so that you can properly head deeper into 2019 feeling more alive & more yourself than ever before? Sound good? We begin a thirty day online passage (much like my soul reset) on 14th February where we will set up a year of beauty & truth & power through loving & listening to ourselves. Link in bio.


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S.C Lourie

This is my 2019. Xx


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S.C Lourie

So you have this new week that has arrived. Take a breath and then imagine this. You are not going to collapse under the pressure, you're going to soar through it. You're not going to shut down, you're going to open like a flower. You're not going to get buried, you are going to rise. You're not going to drown, you're going to surf the waves. You're not going to neglect or ignore yourself, you're going to love yourself and be responsive to your emotional needs. You're not going to get swept up in the storm, you're going to find the eye. And you're allowed to stumble and pause and pick yourself up as much as you need as you do all that. You're going to be just fine, lovely one. You're going to be just fine. ----That's my story for this week. That's my narrative. What will yours be? Will you add to mine? Xx


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Sending you all love, darlings. I am there, right in the arena, trying with my all too. Still trying to close 2018 but the reflections keep coming 😂I am also getting something together for us all based on that at the moment. A way to genuinely close a chapter with sacred goodbyes and to move into the new with joy, courage and purpose, making fear a friend rather than an enemy. Making all inside us a friend. Will share about it a little later. But for now, damn, we're doing it, darlings. We gotta take our moments to stop and just say we are truly doing it. I watched Kika yesterday evening and I stopped myself and said damn, Sam, you are doing it with her. You got a beautiful 8.5 month she-bean and she is full of deliciousness. Well done, you. Well done. You are truly doing it. And I am taking my moments to remember this and not get so swept off and up in life that I forget I am truly living, making it, doing it my way, whatever that is on the day. I had myself a baby. I got through the first 6 months. I am feeling more in my soil now that I am making it through the second 6 months. She is just wonderful and all her chuckles and her groans are sign of the genius of living, the beauty, the fullness, the vivacity. My girls are shining because they got the stars looking out for them. We're doing it, darlings. Stop today and appreciate how much you are doing it. Because you are magic realising you are magic and that is an exciting and beautiful thing xxxx


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Yesterday I was on the sofa, kids were finally asleep. Me &my guy ready to meet each other for the first time in the day &we just hugged for ages. And we kept hugging. I kept holding him. I kept holding him because in that moment I knew that hugging him is not something I'll ever wish I did less of in the last days of my life. It felt so clear last night when everything was quiet. It was so clear that what we need more of in our lives are the experiences we know to be valuable and good for us. The things that make us feel more human, more connected, more soft. I thought about what it would mean to my body, soul, mind and heart if I gave a whole year to doing more of that kind of stuff. Stuff good for my soul. Stuff good for any human soul. And I exhaled and life was again this blank canvas for me to paint meaning upon. My vision widened & I dreamt of some of my dreams coming true. Life isn't all rosy. I understand that. I don't want to live in a land of cotton wool feasting on candy floss every moment of the day. But I wonder about our mortality. That our time here is not unlimited. That one day I will feel death coming ever closer and I will be looking back on life either kicking myself for missing out on some of the very best of my life because I got carried away in the things that don't matter, or I will be feeling full up but still not wanting to leave because the good stuff of life is just so good, that not even dancing among the stars can compare with. I want it to be the second but I know I can commit more to it in order to guarantee it will happen like that for me. You're not going to wish you cuddled less at the end of your life. You won't wish that you smiled less or think you had too much fun. You won't regret the meaning you found in life, the harmless adventures you had, the authentic risks you took & the time you gave to the people & activities that made your eyes sparkly and your soul dance. It will be quite the opposite if anything. So do more of those things that you know you won't regret in the long run. This is how we get to feel alive.To feel like we have the final say in our stories. This is how the magic of living becomes real to us again.


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Go easy on yourself, darling.
You're in something new. It's going
to take time before you find your feet.
The world has started its journey
around the sun again. We are all at
the beginning of something. So hold
your heart gently and give yourself
some space. Space not to know all the
answers. Space to make mistakes. Space
for the ordinary. Space for yourself
when you are feeling ordinary.
You're beautiful, regardless.
You just need to keep trusting who
you are and letting yourself be.
It's all going to work out somehow.
And it will make you smile from ear
to ear one day. Because you'll see
that you were never on your own.
That life had a way of carrying you
all the time. ----- For all you in something new right now. A new adventure, a new challenge, a new problem, a new wound, a new break up, a new loss, a new relationship, a new opportunity, a new possibility, a new part of your story, a new sense of self, a new feeling, a new vision, a new dream, a new drive, a new journey of healing, a new practical situation...It's so easy to expect hard on ourselves and then break ourselves down because of those expectations. I am trying not to do that. I am learning the difference between intention and expectation. And there's a lot of difference between the two. It's now 10.23pm and only now am I sitting down to touch base, to do my post for Facebook, to feed my business. I still haven't done my annual schedule yet! I try and something else comes up. But I have sent out all my orders apart from two which I will do tomorrow morning and that feels really good. I am out of stock of nearly everything. I am grateful to you all for that. But still, the girls are in bed and now I am touching base. These days have a way of running away with me right now. I should show you a picture of my sofa full of clothes that need folding! You know I spoke about mountains in my other post. Well I have a fabric mountain right in front of me that I need to tackle tomorrow 🤣 But I am not going heavy and brutal on myself. I am so tired of that kind of self-aggression. It's such a weight. I am choosing these words as my mantra instead. I am going kind on myself. Join me? Xxx


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She slept so well last night. First time in over a week. The sniffles are minimal. I got to sleep quite uninterrupted too. It was short but sweet. Oh my, it truly is the little things that matter in the end 😂 Now we're on the other side, today she is full of beans, curiousity and serious attitude, especially when one of us has to direct the curiousity in another way & she's not happy about it 😂 Life is full right now, darlings. So full but it feels I have begun something new in recent weeks too. A new cycle of some sort with new spirals & scenery & it feels so good deep down, when I stop and just feel where I really am, beyond all the temporary, changing details. You know when you have those moments where you can connect your life's happenings with a golden thread of meaning you couldn't see or feel too clearly until now. And there is this corridor of transition and you walk through it, your mind expanding because everything has had a reason for being, even if that reason was just to offer you a break from always looking for a reason and every moment feels acknowledged and alive in your story and you realise you are not holding on so tight right now, well, because you don't have to. And that feels good. You don't need your defences, your armour or your ammo because nothing is attacking, nothing is grinding, nothing is stretching and all is simply opening. The way before you is opening and you realise you are leaving a huge chapter of your life behind. A chapter of healing and reconciliation and truth and responsibility. One that has both toughened you and softened you and you can't quite make out what's in front because, well, it's new. It's not the old story. It's not the journey of leaving the old story. It's just new. It's taken me 8.5 years to get here, darlings. Sometimes it takes time to get things out of our system. But we do get there in the end. We do move on. I've learned we just gotta keep walking, slowly, gently, little step by little step, being patient with ourselves and being patient with our lives because there's a lot of soul work, deep healing and heart restructuring going on in the background. But it's all worth it in the end. All of it.


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Darlings, I'm still getting into 2019 so bear with me. I'm actually just coming up for air, after having Kika up the past few nights with a cold. Last night was the height of it all. It got me thinking about me & life as I held her through it though. In the same way she struggled to settle because her breathing was impeded, I realised I do that too. And there life is cradling me, rocking me, trying to calm me, to remind me I can breathe in other ways if I just stop fighting but it's hard to see that sometimes, to feel it, because I'm so used to the one way that I'm familiar with, that has got blocked all of a sudden. The days are hard right now. Some lovely things in all of them & I feel awake & generally happy but still that feeling of "I'm not sure I can do all this" hangs in the background. This year I have less time, less help, the same/more workload, the same business issues, more demands on me, more responsibilities, more to juggle. January always has had something hard about it. I think it's just the downer after all the rest, the intimacy, the Christmas hibernating, the hope-scented new year excitement. But I'm looking forwards & the mountains seem so tall & I naturally sigh at the sight of them, with that old familiar wondering as to whether there will come a time in my life where I don't feel pushed, pulled, stretched beyond belief. Wondering if there will ever come a season of serious & simple flow. Like when you've reached that mountain peak & you just run down because gravity has got your back. It feels like I have been going uphill in all things practical for years now. But even as I toss & turn in the arms of life, feeling blocked here & there, there's this vague but ever present assurance that I can rest, that I can let go, that I can breathe & fall deep into my growth & blossoming if I just stop resisting & hanging onto how I wanted these days to go. This is how we learn to surf the waves that come. We let them guide us, rather than see them as something that want to fight us. I survived 2018 pretty well with some beautiful blessings in hand. But it's time to learn to surf now. There's more fun in surfing than there is in surviving & I want fun.


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Even though there is no such thing as the perfect year, there are the years where we meet ourselves again and again and we choose not to turn away this time round. We stop filling our holes with junk and allow the space in them to become spaciousness for us to abide in, to breathe in, to take shelter in. Despite the baggage and the messiness, we slowly fall in love and acceptance of ourselves. We stop pushing who we really are away. We stop trying to escape our skin and our emotions and we choose to not be controlled by those same old emotions as well. We keep choosing new again and again. We allow ourselves to feel it all but choose wisely what we feed on as fuel. We make home where we are, who we are right now. Looking for the rainbow after the storm and the hidden beauty in the situation when previously we would just feel drowned in the ugly. We stop pushing for all that was never going to be anything in the long run because perhaps we already have everything we need. We stop pushing ourselves so hard. We stop putting ourselves down. It's slow. It's day by day, but it happens and we grow in strength and softness because of that. Until strength feels normal. Until softness feels normal too. This is what I am going for. A year of coming home to myself. A year of feeling like I can touch the stars because I am no longer holding myself back and telling myself the stars never belonged to me. And I am no longer holding life back in my hiding either. I am coming out of the cave. The sunshine looks too beautiful. I have been friends with the dark for so long...I am grateful always. But now it's time for some light xxxx


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I lay here in bed tonight just wanting to tell my heart that I can let go of the strain a little. First Monday of the year & I was supposed to go out & plan my work schedule for 2019. A lot has changed in my life. I need to be organised more than ever. But I didn't get to it. Life happened & got in the way. Christmas is officially over & I'm still in Christmas mode. My mind isn't even in the new year yet. In my little world I'm just about getting ready to shut down over Christmas &just be with family! I have even less time this year than I did last because my guy isn't at home to help me (he got a new full time job) so there is juggling ahead of me like I've never juggled before. On Sunday I had a "good mama day" (as in being with the girls &connecting with them on every level) & still they got to sleep at about 11.30pm & at midnight there were still plates on the table from dinner that needed sorting. It's impossible to fit it all in right now. And even today I just couldn't get away for an hour & it left me feeling pressured & nervous about the new year all of a sudden. & I've realised through this that even now, I need to hear the beat of my own drum & though the earth may be on a new ride around the sun, it's okay that in my mind, I am not quite there yet. We need to find our own pace in this world, darlings, esp at this time of year. We've got to do what's good for us. When we do that, everything feels better and we have a clarity that helps us to stay in touch with what's important, albeit in our own way. I was trying to cooperate with the pace of the world today. I have known for years how that just does no good for me. So tonight I am not running away from that. I can't fit in. It doesn't work. I can't do the new year as expected because I'm still finding my feet . The quiet strain I've felt today has emerged as a subtle guidance to go more boldly into what *my* life needs right now. And yes it needs organisation but it also needs openness & flexibility & a kind of gentleness I can offer myself because my hands are going to be more than full most days. You don't give more things to carry to someone with their hands full. So I'm taking the pressure away.


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S.C Lourie

How about it, gorgeous folk? How about it? XX I know it's hard for us who work but still it's something so good for our souls, a day where we break from the madness around us to tap into the sense within, to locate traces of peace inside us that we can bring to our surface, that we can make efforts to live and build and connect from. To remember there is more to our lives than the mundane. To also appreciate the unspoken blessing in the mundane too. So much more to share, darlings, but until life becomes less busy I offer snippets here and there, and I am putting it into my work so you can find it there when I bring it officially to the world. Miss you and miss the reflecting that I normally do and share at this time of year but there is a crawling child I need to now go and feed. Sending love as always and find my sharings in my 2019 diary. I have my last few copies available. Link in bio to get yours xxx worldwide shipping always available xx the rest are traveling around the world and a handful are packaged and ready to go tomorrow with other bits and pieces xxxx


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S.C Lourie

Hahaha! This would be my life right now and I don't even practise yoga 😂😂 I still haven't had a moment to process 2018, turning 38, beginning a new year. By the time I do find some time, it will be a new season altogether #newyear #threekids #strugglingtogetthebalancestill #still


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