First off, thank you to @portraits_by_dawndra for the most beautiful photo of my life... Today is a special day as it is the day my babies were due. It would have marked 40 weeks of pregnancy. My babes wanted an early entrance at 34 weeks, and I’m so glad they did! * * Our time at the #NICU was both difficult and beautiful, and the first two weeks at home have been some of the most difficult of my life. We’ve settled in, and are learning what it means to be a #family of four. * * Most of the time it’s bliss. Other times I cry and cry knowing I want to do the most for these little beings we’ve brought into the world. * * We’ve wanted them so badly and they’re finally here so today we celebrate their fifth week on Earth, the first day of fall, and the fifth week of absolute love. We were lucky. When we gave up, they traveled to us after a seven year wait. For many others it looks differently.* * #Infertility, #unexplained (as was my case) or otherwise, is stressful, sad, and debilitating. I know the #joy and #sadness of a #pregnancy or #birth announcement when it isn’t yours- you can feel both at the same time, (and it doesn’t make you a bad person btw). The #anxiety around that time every month when you hold your breath and say, is this the one? The uncontrollable tears when it isn’t the one...again. The #elation when that test is positive, only to lose that joy a week, a month, or more later. * * I held my breath and didn’t announce our pregnancy for so long as it felt “too good to be true.” Here’s some real talk and #reflection on what it feels like after infertility and the guilt and anxiety for if I feel anything less than joy all the time. Especially when there are many others moving through loss and the “nothing....”* * Luckily, I’ve been gifted two sweet #souls who are easy (most of the time), and I’m learning (with professional help) how to process those emotions when it isn’t an ideal situation, and am learning to allow myself to have those moments....it’s a work in progress- I’m a work in progress, and am learning to live for the moments we’re #gifted.
I’ve been absent for a good reason. The best project of my life showed up early at 34 weeks on 8.12.18. We were in the NICU for 21 days and finally have returned to our own home, and babies are doing well and I’m in heaven. Our sweethearts were born the night of a meteor shower, lunar eclipse, and new moon...to say the least I think they’re magical...Kaia Diane and Beckett William, you have our hearts fully and devotedly- the seven year wait was worth every second for you two. Thank you @michaelrobertoliver for giving me the best gifts of my existence and a stellar candid shot!
Thank you @sundayriley and @hi_ashleylauren for this amazing makeup essential prep kit!! I can’t wait to use it for my clients!!! Ps I loooove the moisturizer- not too heavy, not too light and preps the skin juuuuuust right! My mystical friend @moderndaymagicwoman first introduced me to the line, and I’m so grateful for the love!!! (Thank you thank you, beautiful!!!)
Pepper has seen more than any of them, she knows where the bodies are buried, and she has her own network of connections around the world. Oh and she hasn’t aged since 1942. The only question now is: whose side is Pepper on?
This #twinpregnancy has been one of the best experiences of my life... and soon we will see them on this side of the Universe! Photo and #Repost@portraits_by_dawndra ・・・ She went in a swan, and emerged a goddess of three.