usf co ‘22 🤘🏻

today marks one year since my mom passed.
it’s been the worst year of my life. losing someone you love is awful and it doesn’t get better with time, like i was told by so many it would. i don’t think anyone can really understand because everyone grieves so differently. my mom and i were really close and i was here to watch her suffer throughout the whole process of her cancer diagnosis. i wasn’t there the day she died because of school, which is my biggest regret and probably forever will be.
there’s a lot of things i’ve done this year that i wish she could’ve been here for. my prom, my graduation, and a few heartbreaks. i wish i could hug her and hold her and cry into her shoulder, but i can’t. this year has been a year of really discovering what it’s like to be on your own. i have a wonderful support system, but in the end, i’m the only one who knows how i’m truly feeling and the only one that can do anything about it.
today sucks. a lot. every day sucks. but i know that she no longer has to suffer. and that’s the only comfort i find from this.
all that being said, i’m in a much better place than i used to be. i’m off of all my medications and i’m about to leave and go off to school. it’s just hard when your biggest cheerleader can no longer cheer you on.
i miss you mom. more and more every day it feels like.
thanks to everyone who has reached out today. i’m not good at answering messages but i appreciate the thoughts.
hug your mom for me.


go bulls!! 🐂💚💛 thank you to @marty_sawesky for the tour!! #usfthegirlsroom


happy international women’s day! here’s a selfie of me i took a while ago when i dyed my hair. a lot of people told me not to, but i did anyway. and i loved it.
people will tell you what you can and can’t do. it’s just the way people are. for example, i’ve had doctors tell me that i’d have to be on medication for the rest of my life in order to function even somewhat close to normally in society. but here i am today, almost a month clean from any sort of medication, and i am doing better than i have in a very long time.
i think it’s really important, as women, to lift each other up and be supportive in any way we can. not even just women, men too. we’ve only got each other on this earth, so why not join together?


it’s been a good 9 years. this dog is more than a dog. he’s sat next to my mom, unmoving on her worst days, just to comfort her and make sure she was never alone. he’s listened to a lot of my rants and licked up a lot of my tears. he’s been the best service dog anyone could ask for. he’s the embodiment of a good boy. i love him more than i can express. rest easy little buddy, say hey to mom for me.


given the option, i’d happily live in this viewing room


dis is my best friend and i love her lots. thanks for making today a good day 💞


a tall glass of bleach


it's been three months without you. without your crazy, fun loving spirit. i miss you. a lot. and i love you. a lot. can't wait to see you dance again one day.


this picture's pretty old. 17 years old to be exact. in my 17 years on earth, i have never met someone as loyal, as caring, and as amazing as erin gundersen. happy birthday to my closest friend, my womb pal, and my queen. i love you more than anything and i can't wait for all the life adventures that are to come. you are truly everything i could ever dream of as a friend. 💞👯


yesterday, 5/15/17, the strongest, most loving, caring, compassionate, and amazing woman i have ever had the privilege of loving passed away. my mom, my rock, and my confidant is gone. i, and the rest of my family, will miss her dearly. she is no longer struggling, she is no longer hurting.
there will be a memorial service at 1:00 pm on saturday in the sanctuary at crosspoint to remember and celebrate her life. all are invited to come.
i love you mom. thank you so much for everything you've taught me. rest easy


happy mother's day. as some of you may know, my mom is in the hospital right now, in intensive care due to a pulmonary embolism, which is a blood clot in both of her lungs. i'm done using social media to portray some sort of fake happiness just so that people will think everything's alright. everything isn't alright. my mom could die today. after a long, treacherous, four year fight, this could be it. this could be what takes my mom's life. she is so tired. she is the strongest fucking woman i have ever met. she is so faithful to the Lord that while she is on a breathing machine that basically breathes for her, she wrote down scripture on the legal pad the ICU gave her, in the shakiest hand writing i've ever seen. she is a fighter. she's tried so hard. i am so angry, so exhausted in my faith. how could a loving God allow someone so undeserving to suffer to this extent? it will be hard for me to forgive Him for this.
so i encourage you all to just take a step back. look at everything from a new perspective. the things that we worry about on a daily basis mean NOTHING, like who hurt who's feelings, and who did this and who slept with who. literally WHO CARES!!!!! none of that matters! this is what matters. family and real life crises.
hug your mom today. hug her for me, because i can't hug mine, and who knows if i ever will again. cherish your mom and never ever let go.


so glad i got to be a part of this amazing tour, thank you for putting on such an incredible show and giving me the best night i've had in a really long time @panicatthedisco ❤️💛💚💙💜 #doabtour #doaborlando


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