Paloma Elsesser@palomija

some girls are bigger than others 🗞
img worldwide Mina.white@img.com ~

1,961 posts 196,296 followers 1,289 following

Paloma Elsesser

winter ballerinas


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pearly gates


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Paloma Elsesser

⭐️ @unconditionalmagazine ⭐️ ty for this amazing surprise, floored ~


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l.a. sometimes


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first day baq ~


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steep


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too many rules


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🧫!


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📡


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This has been both my my most triumphant year career wise and most emotionally trying. I’d like to apologize if my participation in this app has left you anchored in fantasy, if it seems too highlight reel; it’s never been my goal. I’ve strived to integrate honesty and intimacy. I hope I can deliver but please hear me out.⁣
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I’ve never felt enough for this world and I’ve contemplated suicide, looking forward to a time when I’d no longer question ‘why’. In 2018 it was essential for me to cater to the nuances I didn’t see in an industry that by default, did not want me.⁣ Successes large or small can satiate that void, though momentarily. With a steady stream of high highs this year there have also been low lows. It’s been increasingly important for me to rely on other outlets and not put all my emotions online to help me crawl out. I have often used something else to help me crawl out; drugs, alcohol, people, food, money, validation — all things outside of myself. My goal now is to not vilify bad feelings, but nurture them and do the work. It’s essential for me to hold close my thoughts and analysis, with the understanding that I am not always right. ⁣⁣
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It is hard to feel empowered to share when vulnerability is always co-opted for capitalist gain and in some way scrutinized, or somehow wrong. I dedicated my energy to making my imagery my activism and being impeccable with my word, but I’d be lying if I didn’t feel a yearning to cry out online when I was hurting. My phone and journals are littered with notes of pain, fear, excitement, uncertainty and I’ve been proud to leave them there, as my own. ⁣The freight train of “success” leaves you feeling quieter, less adamant, and strangely more afraid of what others think — especially your own community. With hopes of never letting anyone down, you can let yourself down, over & over again. I hope this year I can find the balance of self reliance and relieve myself of the deep set contours of self doubt, and I hope you can too. ⁣⁣
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2018 has taught me about both conditional and unconditional love, but most importantly that pain is growth in shitty packaging ❤️ I’m so grateful for every blessing ily


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the polarity of being 🖇


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Paloma Elsesser

🛷 slay bells ring with @voguemagazine ~ by @thisismayan 📌


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