ᴹᴱᴿᵞᴸ💫@raise_ur_vibration

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1,619 posts 19,267 followers 6,435 following

Being "spiritual" doesn't equate to being "nice" or being a doormat.

It's not all about "allowing" and "acceptance" and "openness" when there is a violation taking place.

True "spirituality" actually opens the gateway for the opposite of "doormatism". Speaking Up. Stepping into Authentic Truth. Setting Healthy Boundaries.

This includes all the #metoo stories @yoga_girl shared about those who allowed prominent "spiritual teachers" to touch them inappropriately, even though it felt uncomfortable and violating- because they thought that spirituality was about "openness" and therefore they felt as though something was wrong with them for not feeling comfortable. I used to guilt myself for not "opening up" in certain situations- saying "I should be more open, I have to work on my heart chakra..blah blah".. when in retrospect I see that my body knew Truth. I didn't trust that person/situation for a reason.

This goes for the times I've allowed myself to perform emotional labor when I wasn't emotionally available because I "should" be able to hold space anywhere, anytime because I'm "spiritual", and I didn't want them to think I didn't care. Looking back, setting a healthy boundary when I'm not emotionally available is the most caring thing I can do. No one wants depleted, sour energy holding space for them.

This goes for the time I allowed a stranger to sleep in my home uninvited even though I wasn't comfortable with it because they were a "spiritual leader" (and homeless) and I realized after they had taken advantage of my niceness. This person ended up getting me sick with a cold they were carrying.

We can lovingly set authentic boundaries at any time, whether the other person perceives it as "nice" or not. When it's coming from a healthy place of authenticity, it is for the greatest good of all parties. This practice will create massive respect in the long run, prevent energy vampires from suckling on, and invite others to set healthy boundaries as well. Win win!

Being "spiritual" doesn't equate to being "nice" or being a doormat.

🙏🏼✨🔮

#spirituality #peoplepleaser #doormat #boundaries #authentic #truth #healing #knowing #wisdom


19

Two days ago, I decided to spend an entire 24 hours being as restful as humanly possible. I woke up and laid in the grass with a homemade epsom salt heating pad placed on my body, and entered a deeply restful state for 12 hours or more. I relaxed SO deeply that I literally entered a psychedelic state as I watched the clouds go by and allowed myself to sink deeper and deeper, breathing into the bliss. I didn't necessarily sleep- it was more like a trance-like state of complete rejuvenation/regeneration. When the sun set, I wrapped myself up in the comfiest blankets and kept laying as the stars came out. And I came to the realization that I don't think I've ever TRULY let myself rest for an entire day like that without some undertone of guilt and anxiety. Like, EVER. Unless it was going to sleep at night or allowing myself to nap here and there. Or I'd tell myself I was relaxing but I'd stimulate myself by scrolling through my phone and needing to do something like read a book to make it a "productive relaxation", or I'd unconsciously occupy myself by thinking all about random stuff like what I am going to do when I'm done "resting". There's a time and place for productive relaxation, but what I am talking about is different. The amount of healing that occurred from an entire day of zero obligation/fully letting go has carried over tremendously over the following days, leaving me in a state of renewed energy, productivity, and peace. We learn all about how to be productive in seminars but we rarely learn how to TRULY let ourselves rest and recover. I CHALLENGE you to give yourself an entire day to enter a deep restful state beyond ever before. No obligations, no planning, no technology, just you and you, doing absolutely nothing but blissing out. Just sinking deeper into the body and relaxation in whatever way feels best. For me, it was laying outside in the grass and literally not moving all day. Highly recommend that everyone do this monthly. We all deserve space and time to rest, heal, & fill our cups- without guilt and anxiety. This is the ultimate act of selflessness/selflove, allowing us to show up in a new way for ourselves & those around us. 🙌🏼💓🔮✨🦋

Kapalua Bay
10

The healer who has just found their mission- to heal people, to heal the world. And What a noble and honest calling that truly is. It's truly pure in intent. But what happens as these healers show up in their calling to heal others? Does this imply that there is someone who is broken, that needs to be fixed? And the healer has come to the rescue of these poor, lost souls? Is a hierarchy being created, between student and teacher, lost and found, broken and healed, fragmented and whole? This is a theme that's been showing up in an interesting way in my life lately. We've moved into a new home with these amazingly gifted healer/brothers next door with tons of wisdom. They look into my eyes and tell me what I'm deficient in and what I need. They tell me my health could be better and their intentions are pure- they want to help me. What a blessing to have them next door! The strange thing is though, whenever I am in their presence, I notice that I feel sort of weak, broken, confused about my health, like a project that needs to be fixed. I am doing this to myself in a sense, because I've perceived them as my higher power b/c of all of their wisdom and experience. But I also am aware of how they're viewing me. So which way does it go? Then, the other night I attended a reiki circle with some beautiful Women on the island. When I walked in, a couple of the women shared with me that they've been listening to my guided meditation and following me on here and shared their appreciation for me. In that moment I felt so healthy, strong, and in my Knowing. They didn't see a single thing wrong with me- they saw only what was right. They saw me in my gifts and my power. I cried during the meditation because I finally saw myself in my light for the first time in awhile. So a few takeaways I have from this contrast in how others see me - is that I really would like to work towards being so in my Knowing that I am not swayed by how others view me (broken or whole) when I am in their presence... BUT, I also know that as human beings this is a goal to strive for, and there is still a kernel of truth here- that how we view others- in their brokenness or⬇️


17

A few days ago a brother offered me some herbs, tinctures, and other plant medicines from his garden and I asked him how much I should take of each. He responded, "However much you feel you need!" And I immediately sensed inner panic arising as I felt completely lost. He explained that we've become so out of touch with our bodies- and they know exactly what we need. Whether it's the whole bottle, or a few drops. I still felt weary and confused. I didn't know what my body was telling me. That seemed like some fuckin ninja shit.

So, today I spent (much needed) time in the sun and I actually noticed the exact moment in which I felt properly nourished to perfection by the sunlight and was ready to go into the shade. I reflected upon how just as I know the proper dosage for sunlight, or time spent in the ocean, I can also get to a point of being so in touch with myself that I can discern the proper intakes and dosages of any supplement or food I put into my body. I've become so jaded and disconnected from my body due to the dogmatic principles I've taken on and allowed to become my higher power- from well-meaning, knowledgeable people. People who have told me to listen to my body and then proceeded to tell me what I should and shouldn't eat. I never truly allowed myself to listen to MY body, without any veils fogging the lens of my internal compass and intuitive guidance. It's MY body after all, no one can feel that but me. I know it will take time- learning to slow down, be in my body, TRUST the guidance I receive from my body, forgive myself for the times I've denied her wisdom, etc... I am purging many principles I've attached to from outside of myself and am slowly reintroducing them objectively, allowing myself to sit patiently in an observatory internal setting- allowing myself to make decisions based on how I feel, being easy in myself as I fine tune the process. 🙏🏼✨💓🔮#intuitive #guidance #dogma #trust #wisdom #internal #awakening #remembering #intuition #knowing #healing #spiritual #consciousness #maui #lahaina

Honolua Bay
5

We moved to a new part of the island. The climate is completely different here... it has rained heavily for the past 4 days and today was the first day that the sun peaked through. There's many more rainbows over here. I am 25 minutes from the nearest beach, where the waves are tumultuous and the tide is stronger. I haven't been in the ocean in 2 months now... which seems crazy because I live on Maui. My morning routine used to be going for a run in the sun and jumping into the calm ocean beach at the bottom of my street. My tan skin has faded. We moved here to be on Mt Haleakala, a sacred energy center where the spiritual community of Maui resides. We moved here to connect, to be part of the family. What's ironic is I've been isolating myself more than ever because of my vocal injury. For the first time in my life I am beginning to understand what depression feels like. I literally don't even want to go out of the house and find a beach, I feel so drained. I long to connect but my vocal cords need silence and rest and I resist interactions where I'll have to explain it. Even though my injury is *slooowly* improving it still is very challenging. It's been about 6 months since the diagnosis. Some days it feels back to square one. I barely talk, and I save my voice for our couple of gigs (the other ones let us go when we got injured). My voice sounds stronger than ever. But it's a tease, because it's still painful to sing. It's quite the paradoxical dilemma. Brian and I have been going through a challenging time in our relationship. (He has a vocal injury too). We are both overwhelmed and have interesting ways of coping. Between the financial pressure of losing gigs, to the emotional weight of being injured, we have basically both shut down and have barely been intimate. Even though I know this should be making us stronger, we both feel weak and it's hard to explain to anyone who isn't going through what we are experiencing. With this injury forging me into my Truth, things that used to slightly frustrate me about him now feel almost unbearable, because my cup is so empty and my threshold is very impatient. I feel guilty for being hard on him when he's ⬇️⬇️


22

I used to think boundaries were a way of keeping people out. But now I am realizing that the embodiment of healthy boundaries is the ONLY doorway IN. I used to feel guilt around setting boundaries until I realized that there is no True intimacy without a healthy regard for boundaries. Boundaries are simply an energetic expression and imprint of My Truth. (This is what I enjoy, this is what I don't. This is how I feel comfortable being touched. This is how I don't. This is how I deserve to be talked to, this is how I don't... etc.) Without a healthy regard for these intrinsic signposts of alignment, I am not able to open fully and let someone in in a way that feels safe and true. When I bow in reverence to my boundaries, Trust is established with My Self, allowing for the opening of my heart like a lotus flower. No more guilt, only a deep honouring of my blessed Truth. If I have crossed my own boundaries by allowing myself or someone else to violate them, I have broken Trust and my heart closes- there is no True way IN with broken/loose boundaries. Resentment is a sensation that often accompanies violated boundaries, coupled with guilt. Both of these energies when stored in the body manifest as dis-ease. For optimal health and self care- respecting one's boundaries is just as essential has eating a healthy diet and getting exercise. Upholding this sacred vow of respect with myself and others holds the keys to gateway into the deepest chambers of my pulsating heart, which is the ONLY way to access this sacred physical vessel. 🙏🏼✨🔮💓#boundaries #energetic #integrity #intimacy #sacred #alignment #trust #truth #relationship #sacredrelating #honoring #selflove

Napili, Hawaii
4

Three weeks ago I asked my Angels to bring sisterhood into my life. Within ONE WEEK I had been invited to FIVE different sisterhood gatherings including a womb wisdom workshop, a Yoni steam, a women empowerment workshop, and more. Last week I realized that I was strangely craving brotherhood. My boyfriend assured me that it wasn't strange when I expressed it to him. The NEXT NIGHT, I found myself sitting in a sacred circle with 6 brothers as we learned from an elder. It wasn't until midway through as I looked around the room that I realized I was surrounded by brothers, and I giggled internally at how instantly I manifested that. It's amazing what can happen when I set the intention and let go of the outcome. So, universe... What shall I call in next? Sisterhood and Brotherhood together as One? Or perhaps some chocolate right now. Or world peace. I'm open! 🍫🙏🏼💓🌈🦋🌿#manifestation #instant #intention #acceptance #allowance #loa #lawofattraction #sisterhood #brotherhood #unity #oneness

Lahaina, Hawaii
10

"No human being who is owning their true experience, however raw and messy, is too "low vibe" for my deep, sincere, reverently ceremonial honoring. What's low is judging another as less than because of what they are experiencing in life. ❤️" - @sacredinneralchemy

Yes. Yes. Yes. OH, and can I get a FUCK Yes. This. When I read this I literally thought I wrote it for a second. Or wished I had. Lol... I've been doing this new thing where I don't put on a facade when I'm out and about running errands or at social gatherings. Aka- being my authentic self. Sometimes, I feel aligned and joyful, playful and light. Sometimes I feel empowered and in my Knowing. Sometimes I feel tired. Sometimes, sad. Sometimes I feel anxious or agitated. Also known as, being a human. It's fascinating to witness how people respond to me when I'm not in my "uplifting" states like I used to pretend I was in all the time. Sometimes people want to fix me, tell me to change my story, judge me, diagnose me, and some people... accept me. (They the homies.) Lol, but truly.. when I feel accepted, this amazing alchemy occurs within me, where I feel seen, heard, valid, and safe. And from this authentic space, I remember who I am even more... and I transform. I pray that this message may reverberate through the ethers and may all spiritual egotism and bullshiz hierarchy of sorts be released as we learn to honor ALL of our phases as divine and perfect. Over and out. ✌🏼🙏🏼🔮#spiritualfuckery #nonjudgment #uniquejourneys #acceptance #healing #hierarchy #compassion #honoring
📷: @brianmassa_ thank you for honoring all my phases and facets 🌕🌖🌗🌘🌑


10

The first video here is a snippet of our "Hallelujah" rendition :)

Aaaannnddd the second is a sneak peak at OUR ✨FIRST VLOG!✨📹

BOTH of which are available at the link in my bio NoW!

Subscribe to the YouTube channel for more music and Vlogging fun! We are super excited about all of this! 🙌🏼✨💓📹🦋🎶
#music #vlogging #fun #youtube #create #singersongwriter


21

I've been experiencing a shift in which I am no longer nearly as afraid of triggering others and of others triggering me. I used to tip toe around conflict so no one would get hurt, so I would be liked, to keep the peace, etc.. And in the process of doing so I abandoned my Truth countless times. Now, I am an Ally with my body, revere to all of her wisdom and am willing to do anything and everything in my power to heal her. I am coming face to face with this new realization. When other’s trigger me, it is my golden opportunity to speak my Truth, even when I know it may trigger others or result in a disagreement. Because, NEW FLASH to Meryl- it’s okay for people to disagree on things! Phew! As I speak whatever arises within me authentically, lovingly, and without guilt, it helps all of us grow. My agenda isn't to be right- my intention is to honor my inner voice. Now, I see everyone who triggers me as my greatest teacher. Example: I have a close relationship with a spiritual teacher here who speaks but doesn’t create space for others to talk. I used to complain that I wish he would create space for others to speak. What I am realizing is he is still creating space for that- by triggering that within me so I CAN become the initiator. He is TEACHING ME how to SPEAK UP for myself. There is no need to resent him now that I see that he is handing me a golden opportunity to SPEAK UP which will help BOTH OF US GROW. I have actually given up the teacher/student complex, because our teachers can learn so much from students speaking their Truth. We are all here to grow as One. This teacher now respects me more than ever because of how he’s witnessed me coming into my power by speaking up to him and setting boundaries. I now think that this was his plan all along-and perhaps he was triggering me on purpose so I would step up. This path isn’t always a stroll in the park- it can be scary as shit to express our true feelings and needs sometimes- that’s why it fosters massive growth. What I will say is that it gets easier over time. It's starting to feel much more natural as I practice it and I feel more embodied than ever. ⬇️⬇️⬇️

Twin Falls Maui
15

Sometimes I tell Brian that I feel like an alien to this planet and wonder what the heck is wrong with me for not being able to handle it here. 🖖🏼 I get frustrated easily with worldly things like a Big Mac being $1 while finding simple, organic food that nourishes my soul can be more challenging and expensive to come by and how that makes no sense and how that's just the smallest thing that overwhelms me about being here on Earth. Then there's humans destroying the planet, and destroying each other in war, but that's too much for me to think about right now. Then I remember. It's this planet that is in complete discord, and I have been trying to find my peace and my way in this world wondering what's wrong with me for not being able to acquaint to an environment that's been laiden with chemicals and gmos. This isn't a victim cry, this is me being fucking easy on myself for a hot sec. Yes, my higher self knows I chose to manifest here to Expand and to bring Harmony and Healing to this planet because Harmony is my nature- the opposite of flawed. But my human self needs some reassurance- that there's nothing wrong with me for feeling depleted when for example, finding nutrient dense food from chemical-laiden land with depleted soils is hard to come by sometimes and reaching for the packaged, depleted food is easier. Human self, I'm here to remind you that you're perfectly doing your best in a beautifully twisted world. 5D Self, we here to bring the Harmony, and we've got this. Love you both. (I like this new thing, talking to my human self and my 5D self at the same time- feels fitting for my Gemini nature 😂🙌🏼) 🔮👽🌎 #beeasy #harmony #alien #planet #consciousness #healing #human #higherself #evolution #spiritual #awakening #expansion


14

A glimpse into what Self Love looks like for me today. I'm finally allowing myself to indulge in the *pleasure* I know I deserve. I am removing all "shoulds" from this practice and tuning into what feels juicy and delicious for ME, which is unique, can't be defined in a book, and changes every single day. No more guilt around the "I should meditate, I should journal, I should exercise, etc." There is no right or wrong way to do this, and only You know what feels the best for You at any given moment! Lately, my body has been craving slow, sensual movement. Other times it wants to jump all over like a primal monkey. The fact that I get to choose my ritual based on how I feel is Soul-Reviving Sovereignty at its finest 🙌🏼 What does Self Love and Self Care look like to you? 🙏🏼🔮💓🦋✨🌸 🎶: @trevorhallmusic - Origami Crane

#selflove #selfcare #meditation #healing #indulge #unique #practice #sovereignty


6

The Four Questions we are unconsciously asking each other all the time according to Maya Angelou:
1) Do you see me?
2) Do you care that I'm here?
3) Am I enough for you?
4) Can I tell that I'm special by the way you look at me?
It's amazing how the lack of presence can effect the way these unconscious questions are answered; for example...
•the love of your life walks into the room and you barely look up from your phone
•you're tying your daughters shoe and when you're done, you get up and reach for her packed lunch and hand it to her while simultaneously grabbing your bag and keys, all without ever looking at her
•You meet your best friend for brunch and go through the motions of the hug, the "you look so cute", and "it took forever to get here" without actually feeling much
•I am so guilty of this! I blaze through potentially meaningful moments every single day and realize by the end of the week how checked out I was. We all have done this before and it's okay
•When we look at people, are we actually *seeing them?* I can think of a few people who make me feel so incredibly seen and heard. And we can do this for other people too
•So this is a healthy reminder- just for today, to SLOW DOWN, and take a SECOND to *actually look at another person*. If you see someone, let them know that you see them! Connection isn't about quantity of time we spend with people- it is in the quality of a single moment. So, let's take a moment to slow down and take that extra second to connect... it could change someone's entire world. And it feels so much better for all parties, guaranteed.🙌🏼✨💓🔮🦋🙏🏼 #authentic #connection #questions #mayaangelou #presence #hereandnow
Source: https://www.thriveglobal.com/stories/16020-4-questions-we-unconsciously-ask-near-constantly

Haleakalā National Park
19

"When you've gotten to the point of deep release in which you don't even know why the hell you're crying anymore, you're exactly where you are meant to be- because you've officially moved *beyond the mind* and into the cells where deep blockages are being released."

Sometimes, I'm a hot mess and have no fucking idea why. I am often tempted to put a label on and quantify each of my emotional release experiences- like a notch in my spiritual belt- as if I have control over the level of progress I've made if only I can grasp and understand what everything stemmed from and why. 'Oh, I finally worked through that trauma from age 5.' 'Ah yes, that meltdown was related to letting go of the shame around my fathers uncles cousins lineage in my 46th past life.' That's nice and all, but perhaps we don't have to register it all cognitively for healing to occur. Maybe quite the opposite. Perhaps we can loosen our grip a bit and let the experience flow through without the analytics of the mind. Because what I've realized is when we've gotten to the point of deep release in which we don't even know why the hell we are crying, we've officially moved *beyond the mind* and into the cells and deep blockages are being released. To try and analyze the events that shaped the feelings that shaped the reality is to stunt and constrict and contort the experience of the evolution we so deeply crave. So this is a Note to Myself: Let it be messy and unknown. It doesn't need to make sense. It can just simply Be... and not in any cliche way. I can feel all the feelings and invite the mind to take a mini vacation as the somatic experience takes over. 🔮🦋✨🌿#release #the #mind #somatic #experience #beyond #feeling #healing #being #lightworker #spirituality

Makawao Forest Reserve
9

The Silent Space-holder

“People who are hurting don't need Avoiders, Protectors, or Fixers. What we need is a patient, loving witness. People to sit quietly and hold space for us. People to stand in helpful vigil to our pain.” -Glennon Doyle Melton

Most of us have had an experience where we expressed our pain to someone (a healer, a therapist, a psychic, a friend, a lover…) and were left feeling invalidated, drained, stifled, disempowered, confused…

Because maybe, we weren't broken. Maybe we didn't need to be fixed. Maybe, we already had the answers and wisdom inside of us. Maybe, we were already whole. Maybe, we didn't want an epilogue from someone… we simply wanted to express ourselves and feel seen, heard, and validated. We wanted a person to say, "I hear you. I see you. I understand you...", or say nothing at all, and show us that with their eye contact and body language.

Because maybe, the paradigm is shifting.

We are TRULY remembering that all the answers lie within us (and not just reading that as a quote on Instagram) and we crave to be held with loving presence as we unlock that within ourselves.

It's so easy to want to share our advice, our insight, our experience, and solutions with others. But, we often take someones self expression as the green light to "bestow" our "wisdom" upon others when they didn't ask for us to "bestow" our "wisdom".

What's not always easy… is to Listen. To stay in our bodies, to remain present. To witness, to observe someone's deepest sorrow and pain with compassion, without needing to change it, pacify it, fix it, remove it. No matter how much we think we know the answers, what other's NEED… There is no greater healing force than that of unconditional presence for one another. No amount of advice, transcendental knowledge, or ethereal wisdom, can account for UNCONDITIONAL LOVING PRESENCE.

It is true that we can only meet someone else's pain to the degree in which we've met our own. That is what I've spent the last 5 years of my life doing. Meeting my Shadows. Getting to know my Pain. Going THERE with every ounce of Unconditional Presence for myself. My partner and I practice this with each other⬇️⬇️


13

"At the end of the day, we are just scared little kids, walking around the planet, looking for the love we never received." - @balancedhuman

I dream of a planet where everyone remembers. Where wounded adults (aka grown up kids) stop teaching children (aka purest human strand of source energy) how to love and start learning from children how to love again. What if we could go back to the level of freedom and openness we felt the very millisecond before that first wound? The wound that caused us to close ourselves off a bit. The wound that began the process of forgetting. The essence of the inner child is love, the inner child already knows. We are remembering now. It's a beautiful time to be alive. 🙏🏼💓🌈✨🦋🔮#remembering #love #innerchild #wholeness #souceenergy #freedom #openness #healing #attunement #trueself #alignment #remembering


21

Full Moon in Taurus ~ Massive changes underway!

We sang this song as a gift for @brianmassa_ 's Dad on his birthday yesterday. This is his Dad's favorite @johnmayer song, called "Badge and Gun". Singing jazz is my favorite/most comfortable for me, but this was a fun detour. And let me tell you, it felt SO good. What's crazy is that my voice seems to be coming back fuller sounding and stronger than EVER and it's clear that it is healing! It still fatigues relatively quickly, but I am on the mend and all of this vocal rehab and metaphysical work is truly facilitating this process. I am so grateful for all of YOU for sending me so much love during this time.

What I know is that I'll NEVER take my voice for granted again- speaking&singing with my whole deliberate heart. I will take care of my voice, honor her, listen to her, and love her unconditionally. I won't engage in activities that don't align with my Truth. Brian and I also have been let go of by many of our gigs due to not being able to sing very much if at all, and we are taking that as the green light to move in a new direction rather than falling into the disappointment of feeling like a this is loss. As much as we love gigging in fancy restaurants and hotels, it's clear where we are truly meant to be- getting ourselves out into the world in a bigger way. This is an opportunity to let go of the comfort of our steady income and leap once again into the unknown.

We've decided that we are going to spend most of our time writing new songs that align with our soul's mission & generating content on YouTube. His channel (Brian Massa) will be dedicated to our original songs/favorite covers & Vlogging our lives here on Maui. My channel (Meryl Yecies) will consist of inspirational content, my solo music, and guided meditations. We are very eager about this shift and the full moon in Taurus has helped us solidify this tentative plan. I am also super eager about my new inspiration with "The Silent Spaceholder" and have my first session tomorrow. 🙌🏼 Trusting change, trusting divine timing. How has the full moon in Taurus been treating you? 🌝🙏🏼✨🔮
•FULL VID w/ Guitar solo (and many more🎶) ON BRIANS CHANNEL💓

Haiku, Hawaii
67

Last night I had a dream I was holding compassionate, nonverbal space for a grieving woman. During my meditation today, a very interesting message entered into my mind and it WOULD. NOT. LEAVE. These words were "The Silent Spaceholder". A few weeks ago I joked in a post about how I "wanted a mute therapist".
Here's some more excerpts from that post:

"I've been to enough healers, counselors, therapists, who have overloaded me with insight&advice and for some reason I've come to a point where I am just done. No more words. I crave expressing myself to someone who can hold space for me with compassionate, loving eye contact, & some nonverbal cues to show acknowledgment. Unconditional listening and acceptance open all the portals within me to the knowledge I already have. I crave to be witnessed as I bring forth my own wisdom. I crave to hold space for people as they come into their own. Only a few times have mentors in my life spoken to me through pure presence and eye contact alone and it was the most powerful experience of all."

So, as I said, this idea would not leave. I started fighting with it, coming up with reasons why that would be ridiculous to actually act upon, cuz people would talk shit and ridicule me for actually trying this and "bla bla bla."

But, I remembered my post. And how many people messaged/commented that they crave the same. And if it's something I crave and something others crave than maybe I can trust that. And I allowed myself to embrace the idea, and tears began to flow. That's usually my heart's indicator that maybe, just maybe.. there's something to this.

So, I am open to offering Skype sessions, where I can be your Silent Space Holder. In a safe container where you can let it ALLLL go as I hold space and witness you with loving presence and unconditional acceptance. No words, (or extremely minimal depending on situation), pure eye contact, and perhaps I'll build upon this by offering some sort of written reflection for you after if you wish. This will be Donation based.

If this resonates or interests you, please message me. This feels really right in my soul and I'm just going to go with it. Sending love to you. 🦋🙏🏼💓


28

When I first started my personal development journey, I kept a gratitude journal. I was super adamant about writing in it every morning, until it started to feel like a chore. As my philosophies changed, I gave myself permission to express gratitude in new ways that felt harmonious and I also slowly shifted away from certain aspects of my routine as I began to honor all of my facets, dark and light. A few days ago, I had a sudden inspiration to write gratitude in my journal like I used to, so I began flowing and it felt SOOOO good!... until, I reached a certain statement and felt a pang of resistance in me as I wrote it. My initial reaction was to try and override this feeling, because "it was something I "should" feel grateful for". The old me would've tried writing the statement 20 more times til I overrode the resistance and felt gratitude, cuz "there's no room for negativity here, damnit!" But my heart said otherwise- this was something I needed to gently explore. So I gave myself permission to free flow- mid gratitude session, and some not so fluffy, not so "positive" things began to stream out onto the page in relation to the resistant gratitude item. I chose non-judgment towards myself. My genuine feelings were coming out. I intuitively switched roles and became the compassionate, present observer as I witnessed myself pouring my feelings out and after about another page of this, my words began to shift. Clarity began to arise regarding this subject. And by the end, I felt truly, completely and utterly GRATEFUL! Like, that genuine, heart blasted open gratitude was pouring through me. Honoring my stream of thought process rather than stifling myself based upon what I "should" have done according to my mind ultimately lead to much more deeply profound feelings of resolution. The key was to become the compassionate, validating observer- almost like a dear friend to myself- as the authentic stream took place. When coming from this place of compassionate loving care for the Self, beautiful resolution is inevitable. 🌈🙌🏼💓🔮✨🙏🏼🦋#gratitude #authentic #expression #freeflow #morningpages #healing #compassion #observer

Haiku, Hawaii
9

Spiritual fuckery vent incoming⚡️

Pointing it inward. Just gota keep pointing it inward! It's all about ME ME ME! It's not about Them! They are me! So that thing I really don't enjoy about someone... it must be because of my daddy issues and all the unresolved pain from that time I was 3 and someone flicked my nostril the wrong way and I haven't released it so it has nothing to do with them oh it's all about me me me so I've gotta stay here and endure this shit so I can learn more about my unresolved issues because it's clearly not them it's Me, remember?! It's just All a mirror!
...
OR
Maybe I just don't like that. Do I have permission to dislike something without it being all about my shit? Can I remove myself from situations without it meaning I was avoiding?
..
Man just saying that last part is triggering me. Already I feel like if I take the latter perspective I am trying to get around seeing myself and I must be a bad spiritual person.
Oh, the joy of spiritual fuckery.
..
I just LOOOVE to point it inward and make it all about what's wrong with me. Can it ever actually be THEM? What gives?!
..
Clarity please, and thanks.


13

It's even hard for ME to believe how much has shifted in me since I expressed my deepest sadness on that post a few days ago. I feel like a completely different WOMAN! It truly was a cathartic experience/ grieving that opened portals to new healing and empowerment. WOW! So, 2 days ago I attracted an opportunity to attend a sacred Women’s Womb Gathering hosted by the incredible @scarletcrowmusic, with 25 other women- in which we focused on
•vocal empowerment
•ancestral healing
•womb clearing
•breaking the silence
•etc…

A LOT came up for healing and transmutation during the gathering. Many tears, feeling so held by the entire group of POWERFUL Women, WOW. Words can’t express the experience in a post. Most importantly, it became very clear- I am here to give a voice to the voiceless. This is what my injury is here to teach me. I am currently experiencing the physical manifestation of that, and I am also here to transmute it. I cried so much in my meditation this morning because I had a vision come to me of me assisting women in workshops in finding their authentic voices- and just simply imagining these Women singing, shouting out, moved me so deeply. I am beginning to uncover a massive part of my life’s purpose.

I have also experienced many revelations as to how this injury manifested, which I will touch on in a future post because I am sure many Women/people/empaths in general can relate to these forms of suppression.

One of the biggest revelations that I had was how much I’ve suppressed my voice for other people’s COMFORTABILITY. Since I was a young child I have been a master people- reader- aka people-pleaser- and know EXACTLY how to calculate other people’s thoughts and predict their reactions so I can say the perfect thing to not create discomfort, dissonance, resistance, whatever. That to me was the ultimate death and rejection. First of all, thats fucking exhausting… to constantly be calculating and manipulating to keep the peace. I am giving myself permission to sit in the uncomfortability of it all. I am sending love to that part of my inner child that learned that was how to stay safe and be loved (ctd) ⬇️⬇️
📷: @alexisamorlunar 💓

Twin Falls Maui
27

It's funny.. how the LAST thing I want to do when I am in physical or emotional pain is be with it. Staying in my body, mmmm yea- just bout the last thing I'd like to be doing in those moments. It's ironic to me that those are the moments when our inner child needs us the most. Here my inner child is, screaming out to me. Crying. Flailing her sweet little arms around pleading, "PLEASE LISTEN I NEED YOU NOW!" And what's my usual knee jerk reaction? To walk- errr, RUN the other way?! What's up? I'm out here trying to heal and shit and I still run? So- how can I gently rewire this impulse to escape myself when I need it the most? Practice. Patience. Courage. Self compassion. Bad-Ass-Ery. That's how. So that's my new intention. Befriend the pain. Hold it. Listen to it. Try to understand it. Spend time with it. Accept it. Invite it out for drinks. Climb in the hammock together. Sit on the floor together. Dance together. Pick flowers together. Watch a movie together. Run down my street naked together. Whatever I need to do. Ima do it. Our bodies and our hearts call out to us in this way when they need us the most. So here I am. Showing up. Because I fucking love myself and I deserve to show up for the one who inhabits my body. Let's get it.

PS I LOVE YOU ALL FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART. BEYOND WORDS. 🙏🏼🌻💓🌿

#presence #selflove #acceptance #understanding #innerchild #healing #compassion #patience #badassery #spiritual

Haiku, Makawao, Hawaii
6

I miss my voice. I miss the days when it didn't hurt to talk. I miss singing while doing the dishes and in the shower and at all other times of the day. I miss all the squeaky and squealy noises I used to make as my primary form of expression. I miss making videos. I tried to make a YouTube video I've been craving to make about Sovereignty and I had to stop after recording half of it cuz it hurt too much. I have so much I want to share with the healing power of my voice. I just want to share my gifts damnit. Talk about frustrating. I miss laughing without pain. I miss calling all my friends and family on the phone and talking for hours. I miss not being afraid to speak. I miss not having workers at our gigs come up to us and tell us they miss us singing cuz we only play guitar now. I miss spontaneous jam sessions and open mics where I could sing along endlessly. I miss singing to my favorite songs while I drive. I miss harmonizing with my baby. I hate how beautiful my voice still sounds despite the pain. It is pure torture. I miss the feeling like this was just the beginning of my singing career. I miss never having to contemplate if this is the end. I feel so fucking stifled. I feel damn silenced. I don't know how long this will last. I thought it would be healed by now. Expression is why I'm here. I wouldn't want to imagine living life without my voice. This nightmare is real. I feel depressed tonight. I didn't know sadness could go this deep. Just, ugh. 😩 This post isn't raising anyone's vibration and I will probably delete it. I Still love you all.


71

Yesterday I witnessed an act of pure Embodiment from another Woman that moved me to instant tears. I attended an ecstatic dance that is held every Sunday here. I noticed a Woman walk in at the beginning, and felt a connection to/recognition of her, but didn’t think much of it at the time. During my dance, in which my eyes were closed for the majority of this one song, I opened my eyes to see that a man had come up to the woman and started dancing with her. And they seemed to be really vibin together! I closed my eyes for another minute, reopened them and at that EXACT moment, she put her hands in a prayer position in front of her heart deliberately, but with Love, letting him know that she was ready to going to go her separate ways. She let him go, just like that! For some reason, I began to INSTANTLY cry. Like, INSTANT. I went outside and I bawled in the grass as I compassionately witnessed every moment I had allowed my boundaries to be crossed flash through my mind. I held myself and held myself. This is exactly what I have been working on learning, and this woman TAUGHT me how to do it with love, grace, deliberateness and ease, just by being herself. No guilt, no anger. She went on her way, and he went on his way. It was really that simple. I had avoided men at events like these for this very reason- because I didn’t know how I was going to “escape” them. I didn’t want to have to shut them down, or didn’t know how to properly set a boundary, so I avoided them all together. This goes for a lot of scenarios I have avoided in my life, because I doubted my ability to cross the line when I felt it was time. This fear has held me back from experiencing so much intimacy in my life.

Another thing I want to mention is that I have been calling in sacred sisterhood connections, workshops, etc. Writing about it in my journal, affirming, envisioning it, etc. So I was able to catch this woman on her way out of the dance and express my gratitude to her. She accepted me with open arms and invited me to her Women Embodiment/Empowerment workshops that she hosts every Thursday, where they work on topics just like what I witnessed with the healthy boundary setting. YES! I had⬇️

Napili Bay Beach
11

You're not alone. You're not alone. You're not alone. It's okay if you're in pain. It's okay if you're still grieving. It's okay if you are angry. It's okay if you feel numb. It's okay if you've cycled "backwards". It's okay if you lashed out. It's okay if you cry. It's okay if you want to be alone. It's okay if you want to be held. It's okay if you haven't done self care in a while. It's okay if you're not where you wanted to be. It's okay if you feel lost. It's okay if you've thought about leaving this place. It's okay to feel scared. It's okay to feel doubtful. It's okay to feel confused. It's okay to feel whatever you are feeling. You've done enough, and you have permission to simply be whatever it is that you Are. I am here to remind you that you are valid in your humanness and there's not a single thing wrong with you. Thank you for being real. You are seen and you are heard.

I am Now calling in all Angels and Guides and the Loving Higher Power of each individuals understanding to assist those who are asking for it at this time on their journey. I ask that you may support them and be with whoever is calling for you at this time, with the intention for the greatest and highest good of all beings. We so love and deeply appreciate you. Thank you. 🙏🏼✨🌈#youareloved #valid #angels #guides #higherpower #thankyou

Haiku, Hawaii
17

Last night I joked to Brian that I want to go see a mute therapist. But I wasn't really joking. I'm serious. I've been to enough healers, counselors, therapists, who have chewed my ear off (for lack of a more compassionate term, which I could attempt to insert instead but it doesn't feel authentic right now) with insight and knowledge and for some reason I've come to a point where I am just done. No more words. I just crave expressing myself to someone who can hold space for me with compassionate, loving eye contact, and head nods, and perhaps some hand to heart motions and maybe I'll be down with some loving "mmmmmm"'s here and there to show some acknowledgment. Unconditional listening and acceptance open all the portals within me to the knowledge I already have. I don't want an more advice. I don't want anymore insight. I just want to be witnessed as I bring forth my own. I don't want to give advice. I don't want to give insight. I just want to hold space for people as they come into their own. Can't we speak through telepathy already? Only a few times can I count the mentors in my life who spoke to me through pure presence and eye contact alone and it was the most powerful experience of all. I am open to reflecting more on exactly what part of me is being triggered, but I just feel the need to express this right now in hopes that someone can resonate.

When all else fails, at least there's still #trees.
🌲🌳🌴I want to take a moment to thank the universe for trees.. the OG listeners, the best space holders of all. 🙌🏼 #thankyoutrees #youdabest #spaceholder #listening #silence #presence #eyegaze #healing

Makawao, Hawaii
21

We were driving to Hana, a remote town in Maui. My sister @ale_amorlunar got an intuition to pull down this lush, yet deserted bumpy road- a clear detour from the destination I was so fixed on reaching before sunset. Dusk was already beginning to fall upon us. I reminded myself that I trust her intuition. This road lead us driving through very rough terrain, even crossing through a stream. After a half mile we saw a man waving us down. He alerted us that a part of the undercarriage of our car was dragging along the ground and he immediately crawled under our car and fixed it. Woah. Did we just manifest an earth angel with the perfect skills to fix our car? He introduced himself as Kai, short for a long Hawaiian name, then told us that there is a beach down the path to our right, and he was about to go catch his dinner if we'd like to come. My first reaction was "no", because I wanted to get to the affixed destination in my mind. I was filled with anxiety and asked Alexis if she trusted him. She smiled and said, "Yes. You can see the Truth by looking into their eyes". I realized I hadn't looked him in the eyes. I reminded myself to come back into my body and that we are meant to be here, now, and invited my analytical mind to let go as I exhaled. As I came back into my body, I realized, Yes, this does feel right. Kai lead us down the path to a lush open field. He chanted, "Mahalo Ke Akua", meaning "Thanks To God", using it as an offering for allowing us to enter the sacred land. I knew that he said this every time he entered sacred land. It's engrained in him. I was admiring the flowers and trees and then, the moment my eyes laid on the backside of Mount Haleakala and the sacred structure standing in front of us which was built by an ancient Hawaiian civilization (the Pi'ilani's), I was immediately overtaken as I involuntarily fell to my knees and began to bawl. I had never experienced something like this. I went from being slightly agitated in my internal world to completely overwhelmed and embraced by spirit without a single warning. I experienced a deep remembrance of something. Somehow I had been here before. I cried and cried and cried, as the voices of ⬇️⬇️

Hana, Hawaii
15

Authenticity- a very high vibrational word. A state of being that I aspire to reside in as often as possible. I believe that many of us do. The word itself seems simple enough- all I have to do is be fully myself right? Well yes, key word- FULLY. That means, in all of my entirety. That means I must be WILLING to look at and reclaim EVERY aspect of me that has been pushed into the SHADOWS. I can’t be fully Authentic if there are fragments of myself that I am not willing to look at and accept. To be thriving in our Authenticity is our BIRTHRIGHT. To dive into and reclaim the aspects of ourselves that have been pushed away for a long time- that is true COURAGE. Even the act of being willing to take a look- is integrity in action.

What happens to us when we are out of Alignment with our Authenticity?

Well, it sure doesn’t feel good… Our lives don’t seem to “flow” as easily. We get sick. Our bodies break down. If the misalignment has been chronic, we manifest chronic illnesses. If the lack of integrity is URGENT, we manifest acute illnesses and injuries.

Our bodies are our divine indicators.

In order to tap into their divine wisdom, we must be willing to FEEL, and we must be willing to LISTEN. And booooooy does my body have a lot to say when I finally slow down and listen (for example the memory that came through during my meditation the other day of me as a two year old, my mom feeding me baby food and hating the flavor (carrot), screaming and crying as she had the phone on her ear while forcing the spoon into my mouth, and me feeling so incredibly frustrated that she wasn’t understanding me/ feeling like she wasn’t present/ didn’t care. Yeah. Stuff like that. You can’t make this shit up!)

This vocal injury has revealed so much to me (as has every illness and injury since my awakening, but this one has been the most profound)- telling me where I have been out of integrity with myself and my expression for a long, long time. Where I have felt suppressed (refer to previous carrot food story, lol)… Where I pushed vital parts of myself into the shadow a long time ago due to the shame that manifested in the wake of childhood events. I am reclaiming. it. all.⬇️

Haiku, Hawaii
21

It wasn't until Maui that an interesting wound from my past starting appearing. It was the unresolved wound of the middle school Meryl that experienced the feelings of loneliness/rejection from being the "new girl" in 7th grade (from a large, diverse town to a small, "privileged" town). I came home crying every. single. day. asking my Mom why she did this to us. This middle school Meryl desperately wanted to fit in with the popular girls. This Meryl heard the rumors that were spoken behind her back b/c she was "different" and wore weird clothes w/o brand names. This Meryl didn't feel safe around girls because they were mean. They always seemed to be talking shit about someone and this is how I could get "in" with them. To be a shit talker too. It never felt good. This Meryl learned how to change herself completely, very quickly- in order to be liked. This Meryl forgot who she was. She became a master of chameleonship- and this skill inducted her into the "best" social groups throughout h/s and college. She mastered the "art" of winning at who she "should be" while losing herself. *There were a few very special, authentic friendships I made in HS/college that still remain today. LUV U sisters💓*

When I moved to Maui, I was back at ground zero. I knew no one besides Brian. I wanted to make girl friends so badly. It was almost like a desperate yearning. I was craving that sacred sisterhood and I was ready to finally be authentic. But every time I would be around girls, I'd start falling into middle school Meryl. I'd feel like they're judging me and gossiping about me. I'd get extremely uncomfortable and forget how to be me and judge myself incessantly. I longed to be part of their tribe but I didn't feel worthy. I felt like I needed to prove myself. I was anxious. I've never become friends with girls since middle school without playing some sort of role. Who am I now?

Yesterday, I met this sister in a tiny holy in the wall. When we locked eyes, I saw myself. She reminded me who I truly am simply with her loving gaze alone. I dropped the act and let myself melt into her arms as I cried and cried. I thought to myself, This. Is. Sacred. Sisterhood.⬇️

Haiku, Hawaii
24

Lessons on Receiving

I am a musician, performing at different venues around Maui with my beloved, Brian. We have noticed that when we finish a song, there is an uncomfortability that arises within us where we will unconsciously go to play with the knobs on our speaker, or adjust our microphone, or basically check out- as people are applauding. We'd also say thank you immediately as people began clapping, cutting them off. Here these audience members are, gifting us with their love after we finish a song, and we fidget our way out of being present for the experience of receiving it. Why? So, after we became aware of this tendency to check out, we decided to try a new thing, where as the audience began to applaud after a song, we would stand in our power with our hearts wide open, and actually take a step FORWARD rather than backwards and look everyone in the eye as we touched our hearts and visibly received their gift of appreciation. Then, when they FINISHED clapping we'd say thank you genuinely. I can’t even explain how UNCOMFORTABLE this was for me when we first began doing it. I wanted to look away. I wanted to fix the nonexistent wrinkle in my microphone wire. ANYTHING but sit and allow and receive. This exercise became easier and easier, and we noticed that the audience really loved it. They clapped longer and harder and even became more open towards us, facing their chairs to us, requesting more songs, I mean, this act of receiving changed our gigs around completely. This is something that I have wanted to tell many other performing artists about, as I notice that this is so very common. We even went to watch a friend perform recently and noticed that he didn’t leave space between songs, didn’t look up or acknowledge the audience... he just went straight into the next song after next song for over an hour and I kept wanting to applaud and connect and no space was given. I remember just feeling like I wanted to be seen by him and show him how much I appreciated him and I started getting frustrated- perhaps because of my newfound awareness on this topic- an interesting opportunity for me to reflect on regarding what was triggered within me.
⬇️⬇️⬇️

Maui
9