Getting into the Halloween spirit early and turned myself into a jack-o-lantern cuz my parents don’t trust me with knives (rightfully so, I mean, duh) so I couldn’t carve a pumpkin this week. But imma try to convince them that I’m a big boy now and I should be able to carve pumpkins if I want to. I’ll keep you updated. But anyways, you’re welcome for the nightmare fuel!
Just a basic, little fall appreciation post. Heres to itty bitty pumpkins, laughing with good friends, and screaming at the top of your lungs when you find the perfect pumpkin that you’re going to carve into the face of Pennywise the clown to terrify the neighborhood children who come to trick or treat at your house. And if they bypass that security, then here’s a Reese’s kid, cuz you deserve it. And not like a small one, but a king size Reese’s package. Cuz we roll like that here 🎃 🍂 💀
I’m posting three days in a row, what is going on? Do I need help? Yes, most likely, but that’s like an entirely different story lol. But like this video just speaks to my soul. I promise I’ll go away for a little while and let you recoup from all this steaming hot fresh content haha
Look at my sweet, little (totally not possessed by any ancient demons) dog Frankie! Such a little sweetheart. He would definitely win homecoming king in high school. But like only because the other kids felt bad for him. But then it ends up being this totally magical moment until Frankie throws up in front of everyone on the stage due to his nerves and then he runs away dramatically set to some coming of age soundtrack and then the camera pans up as you see him running into the distance and then the credits hit and you ask yourself why did you bother reading this whole thing?
I took some pictures of some flowers and there were these bugs sitting there. I really wanted to give them both a Gucci makeover, but then I realized that would probably be really hard and then I got lazy so I didn’t do it. But just know there exists a universe where these little bugs have cute, little Gucci makeovers. You’re welcome
So I’ve got big news for you guys. I’m officially a #BaldBoy. Catch me dressing up as Mr. Clean this Halloween ✌🏼. Thought I’d finally share that all my hair has decided to fall out. I’ve always had alopecia but it’s never gotten this bad. Literally all my hair is falling out, you can see I no longer even have eyelashes or eyebrows. Pretty lit. Anyways, wanted to post something to make me feel ✨pretty✨ since I usually wake up and think “nice, lookin like a big ol’ egg” in the mirror every morning. Anyways, now you can bask in my shiny headed aura. But hey, if I end up on like American Idol or something, at least I have a tragic backstory now! Life update complete, see you when I post in another seven hundred months
An actual picture of how I was created in the laboratory by my mad scientist father who then left me gently on a street corner in the middle of the night. A spooky, chilly night where I learned martial arts from the sewer rats and their turtle companions. I then moved to Eastern Europe for three years and learned the language of death and lived with the witches in the mountains learning new spells each day hoping to one day become the Supreme. Eventually I chopped my arm off in a wood working accident in Nepal and it grew a new body which gained sentience and decided to become a political analyst for CNN. After parting ways with my arm, I took up swimming and with my tragic backstory and one arm, I ended up winning every medal at the Olympics in 1965, like every medal...it was pretty lit. I finally decided to retire into the countryside and ran a bed n breakfast for the creatures of the underworld as they passed between the two realms. Then I died. Anyways, I’m still gay. It wasn’t just a phase and I would know because I get tired of things in like a month and move onto the next thing. But I haven’t gotten tired of dick and spreading the homosexual agenda 🤪🤪. If you’re questioning your own sexuality just know it’ll all be okay, fun fact: it’s a great way to immediately remove the shitty people from your life as well! Alright, this was way too long. If you’ve read this far comment “ughh same queen 🤧, Rest In Peace” bye! #nationalcomingoutday