Oh hey! Snuggles on the couch is where it’s at for me this afternoon. The sun is shining but I’m freezing! Actually chilled to the bone. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m getting used to being 10kg lighter and I’ve lost some of my insulation, but I feel like I just can’t. get. warm!! I wish I could bake myself in the sun but my skin is so photosensitive that even 2 minutes of exposure seems to leave my face a hot mess! I’m also a little weary this week from chemo so I’m listening to my body and taking it easy. I still managed an Ashtanga class this morning AND loved every second, but straight home to this spot for some crochet and Netflix. My beautiful sister @full_fit_flourish is expecting a new baby girl any day now and I’m making a little blanket to give her a snuggly welcome to the world. Rust, blush and neutral tones all the way... 🌸🍂
I’ve been really meditating on what I want out of life. I’m practising happiness in the moment, in the here and now, being grateful for what I already have. But I’ve also been thinking hard about what I’m calling my *living list* (because calling it a bucket list, in my situation, really knocks the fun out of it a bit and I don’t want my experiences tainted with that hint of fear or sadness). Long before I found out I was sick I promised my daughter that I would take her to Paris for her 10th birthday, so we can picnic near the Eiffel Tower and drink hot chocolate and eat croissants in lovely cafes, and visit euro Disney while she is young enough for it to still be magical, and stay in kitsch castles we found on Airbnb. So this has rocketed to the top of my list. It will be a promise kept no matter what is going on in my world. India is still high on the list but I’ll need to recover my immune system a little before I can safely commit to that dream. Experiences and travel should take priority over THINGS and I totally DO agree, but don’t judge me when I say that owning a beautiful retro @smegaustralia fridge still makes it onto my list even if it is somewhat shallow 😂 I imagine the joy I would feel every morning when I wake up and reach for the almond milk... And trawling a bazaar in Morocco for rugs and textiles is definitely on the list. Sunrise hot air ballooning in Turkey deserves a mention. A visit to the desert and in particular THIS 👆🏼👆🏼 amazing abode, the @thejoshuatreehouse is high on the agenda... Closer to home I would love to road trip through Tasmania with a helicopter ride over somewhere like #wineglassbay and stopping along the way at all the beautiful restaurants to eat ALL THE FOOD! There is so much beauty in this world that I am yet to see, so much yummy food I haven’t tasted and so many experiences that I don’t even know exist yet! and I’m working hard to make sure that I get to stick around for as much of it as possible xx tell me what’s on your list so I can add them on to mine! Xx #manifesttheshitoutofit
A little reminder that popped up in my feed yesterday by the one-and-only @harleyandj // definitely felt like it was there for me and no doubt it’s there for many of you too, whatever your facing today, whether it’s a chronic illness or school drop off #yougotthis 🌞 I’ve woken up HUNGRY after a solid 12 hour sleep. I have been using CBD oil to support my body through chemo and at night I use a THC oil right before bed (because it gets me very high and I’d rather sleep through it), so I wake up sometimes with munchies. Both have become an integral part of my healing and I believe that EVERYONE should be using the cbd oil (this doesn’t contain the psychoactive thc that makes you stoned) even if they’re not unwell for its balancing effects on the body. So much goodness 🌞🌞🌞
Strapped in for round 5 of chemo... I have my beautiful mama keeping me company and @methylethel plugged in my ear holes... It’s not so bad. I wanted to give you all an update on my progress so far. We have been on a massive high the last couple of weeks after recent blood tests showed my tumour markers have plummeted from 180 to 6!!! Apparently anything less than 10 is within normal levels. Which means that my body is responding to the chemo (and everything else we are doing!) and no doubt my tumours are SHRINKING! I will be booked in for a scan in the next couple of weeks and I’m not anxious at all, I’m just excited. I’m trying to walk the line between managing my own expectations (so I don’t get let down) and thinking positively... I’ve only had to throw up once so far and other side effects, apart from my skin, have been manageable. In fact, I’ve felt amazing. Nothing could bring me down after those test results. Still a long way to go but I feel like I’ve already won in so many ways... #celebrateyourwins#gratitudeeveryday I’ve also booked my baby girl home for a cheeky visit with mama mid-term because her love is the best medicine and this mama can’t go 12 weeks without having her in my arms... I need to say thank you so much you guys, all the money raised from the go-fund-me account has been going toward (very expensive) vitamin infusions that have been supporting my body through the chemo - that I wouldn’t have been able to afford without all of your help, words will never be able to fully express how grateful I am. So much love. Thank you thank you THANK YOUOOOUUUU!! (Pic from this weekends magical stay with @hayleygemma 💗💗🌱)
I’m in my happy place... at home... surrounded by colour and cloth and fibre and unfinished projects and thinking of even more things I want to make. Listening to the talks in the @hayhouseinc cancer summit, talks with @anitamoorjani@robertholdenphd on self love are online TODAY! Do yourself a favour and have a listen, whether you are struggling with your health or anxiety, or even if you’re not. We could all use a little more self love. I have touched on self nourishment vs self improvement on my blog a loooong time ago, but today I heard something from @robertholdenphd that really nailed it for me - no amount of self improvement will EVER make up for any lack of self acceptance... The most loving thing you can ever do for yourself is give up self improvement... - I loved hearing that this morning. Thank you @crazysexykris for orchestrating such a brilliant online event. All the love 💕
A travellers bookshelf. My aunties house is full of treasures... Every shelf, every wall, every surface... endless inspiration. Born in Kenya, she has an affinity with Africa. Fearlessly she has travelled the globe. An intrepid nomad. She’s the original maximalist and possibly the biggest hoarder in our family of collectors. @pundamalia1951 love you my Aunty xx
Taking self-care to the next level this weekend. Home alone for a few days as my love is in Melbourne. This breakfast is giving me life. When you’re spending $10 a punnet on organic cherry tomatoes 😬 (yes we will be growing our own soon...) you want to honour them in a delicious meal. I am so spoilt when I come home to Dunsborough and see my friends around town. Beautiful flowers from ma lady @zestflowers and the worlds most gorgeous breakfast tray a gift from @beachlifestyleliving to make days in bed all the more lovely... Last night was a gem infused bath soak with essential oils and minerals (why wouldn’t you!?). Catching up on the new bachelorette. Yoga. Jumping on my mini-tramp. Making every thing I do an act of worshipping the moment. Being present. Giving to myself. Taking time to be still and tune in to what my body really wants or what my soul needs. It shouldn’t take getting sick to make you slow down and tune in. I read somewhere once that you should look after yourself as you would a small child. Healthy food, early to bed, lots of patience and loving kindness. Sometimes at night now, as I fall asleep, I visualise myself physically holding myself, in my own arms, and I soothe myself with all the loving, kind and encouraging words I would use if I was holding my own daughter. I congratulate myself on all the things that I am doing right. And I tell myself that it’s ok, if I didn’t do so well or if I slipped up on my diet or didn’t get to do any exercise, I tell myself it’s ok, I’m doing so well, not to worry. I am doing enough. I am enough. It’s so powerful, I’m actually getting tears in my eyes as I write this. Its so confronting to give yourself so much love. And it makes me wonder why, and if maybe I haven’t REALLY loved myself before - as in ever in my whole life. I mean I’ve always thought of myself as a good, decent human. I respect myself and how I live in this world. I treat myself regularly. But the simple act of actually showering yourself in loving energy I think might be the game changer. And it takes nothing to achieve that. It costs nothing. You could try it right now. You should. Happy weekend lovely ones. Xx
Good morning 🌞🌞🌞 How beautiful is my breakfast!? This is my morning smoothie. I don’t always pimp my smoothies with edible flowers but today I’m feeling like spoiling myself so I put some extra love into the presentation. Normally I use frozen blueberries but today we ran out and I found some frozen mulberries in the fridge! I’ll tell you what’s in it... RECIPE // * 1 frozen banana * 1 cup of frozen mulberries from mamas tree or blueberries * 1/2 an avocado 🥑 * a big bunch of broccoli sprouts * 1 tbs of hemp protein * 2 tsp of vital greens * 1 tsp of inulin prebiotic * 1 tsp of metagenics super mushroom complex 🍄 * filtered water 💧 Blended up in and full of alkalising and healing goodness. The sun is out it’s definitely smoothie weather 🌞#eatyourmedicine#eatarainbow#cleaneating#rawfoodporn
This lucky mama has just spent the last two weeks wrapped up in the arms of my beautiful girl. She came home to be with me for the school holidays. Many of you wouldn’t know that a few weeks after my diagnosis I decided that it would be best for my baby girl to move up to her dads in the northwest, so she didn’t have to witness my struggle coming to terms with the doctors and all the time in hospitals and clinics. So she didn’t have to miss anymore school or be away from children her own age. So I didn’t have to worry about her while I get used to the routine of chemo. I know many people would think this is a silly move and I should keep my girl as close to me as possible. But I intend to have a long life full of special moments with my daughter and for that to happen, right now I need to focus on me. That said, it was bloody hard putting her on that plane this morning. I was glad to have the support of my mama by my side. Knowing that she is happy up there and loving time with her dad gives me such peace of mind. And it was incredible spending time with her on holidays. We made amazing memories. We drifted across the Avon valley at sunrise in a hot air balloon. I jumped on dodgy old roller coasters at the royal show. We went window shopping at ikea and pretended we were giving her bedroom a complete makeover. We went to the cinema. We practised handstands in the sun. We watched the bachelor and we went out on brekky dates and went opshopping. We took a million selfies together. She helped me choose new sunnies and gave me back massages. The whole time she told me that these have been her most amazing holidays ever. How lucky I am to have this bunny in my life.
For the last two months I’ve been living in my mums art studio so I’ve decided a little bit of art therapy is the way to go... getting my paint on.
Last night was a doozy. I broke down mid way through dinner as I chewed my way through another ginormous salad while my family enjoyed a most glorious looking, golden puff pastry pie. I thought I was going to get through it until I burst into tears and sprayed the counter top with half chewed carrot. I’m a reluctant vegetarian these days. Also sugar free and grain free. I can cope with my very veggie filled diet 99% of the time, but if I’m hormonal, there is no chance and tears/tantrums are just around the corner. Yesterday I also noticed my hair has started to fall out. So it was a bit of a double whammy. When I’m feeling so good on the inside and my energy levels are so high, and I could almost pretend that everything is normal, until I see my spotty chemo face in the mirror and know soon that I might be bald. I have decided that before I shave my hair I will get some sort of crazy mullet for at least one photo. And if I am bald I might get some badass Viking tattoo on my scalp... maybe.
So today I will paint. And enjoy this beautiful spring weather. And stretch and breathe. I’m all cried out from yesterday so today I can be happy.