Tired after miles of recovery.@transcend_madness

Currently giving up and hoping to do the best of it...
👤 20y/o | he/him
▶️ednos|anxiety|depression|OCD
🏥 2x inpatient

13 posts 34 followers 136 following

Dinner, worth for 203 calories.
100gr Mango and 200gr low fat cottage cheese because I need the protein.
Today I eated a total of 829 calories because I had a visitor and that means breakfast and lunch...
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#recovery #recoveryrelapse #ednos #depression #therapy #eatingdisorder #edfam #edfighter #edfighter #depressed #recoveryfamily #anorexic #anorexia #magersucht #fooddiary #healthyfood #weightloss #hatemyself #depressed #ocd #anxiety #crying #cutter #cutting #relapsing #relapse #edrelapse #mentalillness #caloriecounting #healthyfood


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Dinner for 144 calories is a salad with lettuce, cucumber, low fat cottage cheese, some chicken, nori leaves and dressing. For lunch, while writing my examen from 4:00pm till 5:30 I had a Mueller milk, that makes a total calorie intake of 539 calories. I still have some calories over but idk... I won't eat them OR I will have some Christmas sweets from it. At the moment I don't want anything.
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#recovery #recoveryrelapse #ednos #depression #therapy #eatingdisorder #edfam #edfighter #edfighter #depressed #recoveryfamily #anorexic #anorexia #magersucht #fooddiary #healthyfood #weightloss #hatemyself #depressed #ocd #anxiety #crying #cutter #cutting #relapsing #relapse #edrelapse #mentalillness #school #examentime


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Dinner is salad as you can see and it has a total of 338 calories.
Lunch at school was the same as yesterday (salad with low fat cheese and corn) that gives me a total of 605 calories for today.
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Throwback to the food on the Christmas Eve dinner... Normaly, every year, I'm the person that eats the most. This year I eated the less and I was already full... Since them I'm fasting... Will do it today and tomorrow too...
#recovery #recoveryrelapse #ednos #depression #therapy #eatingdisorder #edfam #edfighter #edfighter #depressed #recoveryfamily #anorexic #anorexia #magersucht #fooddiary #healthyfood #weightloss #hatemyself #depressed #ocd #anxiety #crying #cutter #cutting #relapsing #relapse #edrelapse #mentalillness #christmasdinner


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Broke my fast after 75 1/2 hours with two slices of whole wheat toast with a tomato, a tiny onion and two pieces of salad. Calories are unknown but it's okay after this time. Now I will fast till the Christmas dinner tomorrow.
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#recovery #recoveryrelapse #ednos #depression #therapy #eatingdisorder #edfam #edfighter #edfighter #depressed #recoveryfamily #anorexic #anorexia #magersucht #fooddiary #healthyfood #weightloss #hatemyself #depressed #ocd #anxiety #crying #cutter #cutting #relapsing #relapse #edrelapse #mentalillness #fasting #christmas


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Tomorrow's the last day of school before the winter break (on Thursday I need to go to the kindergarten) and we did a breakfast at class... I fasted for 21 hours (and a minute) and then I eated three buns like this with two cups of coffee and a lot of water. Total intake for today: 824 calories. I won't eat anything else and I burned till now 227 calories. I feel so fucking bad because of this... But at least tomorrow I won't eat something because I can't do it at school, I don't have food at home and I don't have any money.
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#recovery #recoveryrelapse #ednos #depression #therapy #eatingdisorder #edfam #edfighter #edfighter #depressed #recoveryfamily #anorexic #anorexia #magersucht #fooddiary #healthyfood #weightloss #hatemyself #depressed #ocd #anxiety #crying #cutter #cutting #relapsing #relapse #edrelapse #mentalillness #breakfast #school


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Today I eated lunch at school.
I eated half of the vegan chili sin carne (tomato puree with couscous, some beans and some sweet corn), half of the coleslaw with vinegar and the tiny, half whole wheat bun. Not the prettiest picture, I know, but I can't do better pictures at school because taking pictures of every food you war isn't normal...
I'm so hungry, still after eating it, but nah, enough food for today. I don't know the amount of the calories of this but it's killing me. Why my fucking body isn't working how it should? I only want to lose weight, why it's so difficult?
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School was horrible.. On the first 90 minutes I had my biology examen and it didn't got well. I was sick the last two weeks and my class didn't told me anything about what happened at school. And the other six hours... Weren't any better. I felt so uncomfortable, I'm so fucking tired. I hate it so much. I hate school. Only a few months more and I never need to see them again... #recovery #recoveryrelapse #ednos #depression #therapy #eatingdisorder #edfam #edfighter #edfighter #depressed #recoveryfamily #anorexic #anorexia #magersucht #fooddiary #healthyfood #weightloss #hatemyself #depressed #ocd #anxiety #crying #cutter #cutting #relapsing #relapse #edrelapse #mentalillness #lunch #schoolfood


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1:29am. The picture is from the morning (this friday. I didn't get any of sleep so it is till the same day for me) when I was on my way home. I'm as tired as I was on this day. I'm absolutely exhausted. Getting up at 7pm, 7 1/2 hours of work, meeting up with a good friend, getting a new tattoo at 8pm and now finally lying in bed.
I'm tired, my eyes are hurting and they want to be closed but I can't sleep, my mind's overriding and I'm thinking about the stupidest things that could happen. On the inside im feeling really nervous. I only want to sleep, to end it all. #recovery #recoveryrelapse #ednos #depression #therapy #eatingdisorder #edfam #edfighter #edfighter #depressed #recoveryfamily #anorexic #anorexia #magersucht #fooddiary #healthyfood #weightloss #hatemyself #depressed #ocd #anxiety #crying #cutter #cutting #relapsing #relapse #edrelapse #mentalillness #tea #exhausted


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Got a cupcake with a creme of speculoos and a gingerbread heart on the inside from one of the moms. I hate my work at the kindergarten because every fucking time the temper is so big. There, when all another people are eating, I can't say no to it. I'm too weak for it and I hate it...
That and the rice with broccoli from earlier was the food from today. Calories unknown but too much... And tomorrow I have the christmas party from work, placed in a steak house. Again eating. I don't want to go... I hate that I need to eat too much there, things I won't never eat alone, and the tucking dress code... #recovery #recoveryrelapse #ednos #depression #therapy #eatingdisorder #edfam #edfighter #edfighter #depressed #recoveryfamily #anorexic #anorexia #magersucht #fooddiary #healthyfood #weightloss #hatemyself #depressed #ocd #anxiety #crying #cutter #cutting #relapsing #relapse #edrelapse #mentalillness #cupcake #food #christmasfood


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Lunch at work, I need to eat there something because of the pedagogy aspect for the kids... The portion was smaller than my fist.... Unknown calories that killed me. And I couldn't purge because I needed to clean the kitchen and then go to the sleep room to watch over the kids.
#recovery #recoveryrelapse #ednos #depression #therapy #eatingdisorder #edfam #edfighter #edfighter #depressed #recoveryfamily #anorexic #anorexia #magersucht #fooddiary #healthyfood #weightloss #hatemyself #depressed #ocd #anxiety #crying #cutter #cutting #relapsing #relapse #edrelapse #mentalillness


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Today at work... One of the children had birthday today and the parents got cake, chocolate and cookies for us.
I lost control... I got a half piece of the cake and like five or six of the cookies and two pieces of the tiny chocolate pieces. I don't know how many calories it's in total but too much for a single day. I hate it. I hate my mind. And this saturday I need to eat out at a fucking restaurant!! It's the Christmas dinner party from my work, so I need to go there. Fuck it, the last time I was at a christmas dinner party from work I spend half an hour getting all out. It was the most embarrassing situation of my entire life and I don't want it to happen again. My mind's overreacting. I'm losing my mind. I want to go to bed and cry my eyes out...
But can't. I was at my mom's to help my little sister with her Spanish homework and now on my way home. Boys don't cry in public...
#recovery #recoveryrelapse #ednos #depression #therapy #eatingdisorder #edfam #edfighter #edfighter #depressed #recoveryfamily #anorexic #anorexia #magersucht #fooddiary #healthyfood #weightloss #hatemyself #depressed #ocd #anxiety #crying #cutter #cutting #relapsing #relapse #edrelapse #mentalillness


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