Junk-Food Reviews from a Fitness Dude
Clothing Designer at @rnr_apparel
Check the Newest Line:
What y’all know bout this? Nothing at all? Oh, me neither.. WalMart has some weird shit . But basically it’s a powder you can mix with milk or ice cream (plz blend.. stirring is clumpy af) to add a bubblegum flavor . I mixed with almond milk because lazy but it was tasty. When it comes to flavors that are created for little kids, take cotton-candy over bubblegum in a heartbeat - but still a unique product and worth the dollar bill I paid for it . 8/10
Throwback Alert because haven’t had a shmassive meal since I started a diet last Monday. Not trying to eat 80% of my precious calories at one time but without further ado: 3 Doritos Locos tacos (how high was the creator of this?) and 4 soft tacos . Pretty low calorie for 7 items - 1300 or so? If I ordered 7 items of my usuals, it’d be closer to 3000 calories lmao.
“Party Creme Filled”? So cheap beer and whiskey flavored ? Ahh - like birthday-cake . Got it. These badboys went hard, crazy sweet filling that literally tasted like vanilla icing but not so thicccc which was key . Cake icing just kind of sits in teeth real cavity-like so its nice to avoid that when possible . Literally delicious and I think I finished em by the next morning - 9/10 for @entenmanns
And your cheat meal is a handful of grass
Have you ever wanted to take insomnia for a test-drive, while getting super hyped over literally nothing and going from feeling like a superhero to a lethergic turd within an hour? Try cocaine . But if you want some good workout energy, try the new C4 drinks! Following the Bang success, C4 is now carbonated and ready to fuel your workouts (or just general life if you’re me). The blue flavor was a lot like their powder but less sour, but the carbonation makes up for it. Bubbles and sourness are keys to placebo energy ♂️. Still gonna remain slave to @bangenergy, but these are a dope switch-up - and if you’re near me, @iceicesmoothie has em on lock . 8.5/10
Ayyyeee spotted the new limited-time Halo Top while looking for somethin else . 360 calories is the highest they go, so you gotta expect some good shit (anything under 300 is frozen Stevia juice). Not much to look at here , no real chunks or crazy swirls going on. The flavor was decent, like blueberries n cream but no real crust/cobbler aspect. Would recommend but wouldn’t buy more than once (still has 20g protein and 12g fiber so I should stfu) - 7.5/10
You’re reading that correctly - “Green Tea” flavored KitKats . My friend brought these back from overseas and told me that they’re actually pretty good! Well he was a lying sack of shit they tasted like fish food covered in a thin, crunchy layer of dog treats . Tbh I hate green tea to begin with ♂️, but this was next-level weird. Still down af for international snacks, but this was a 4/10
This is a acually a go-to for me when I’m getting fast food . I like to try crazy new products of course, but you can never go wrong with Value Menu sandwiches. They usually have 13-15 grams protein a piece, and about 250-350 calories . Not amazing but its freakin fast food lmaooo. This was 1300ish calories and a little under 60g protein - I only require 150g a day so not a terrible pick-up ♂️. 2 chicken sandwiches and 2 burgers . @burgerking
If you remember the Rugrats cartoon, you’re a real one . @officialfye sells (what was) an imaginary candy bar from the show that turns your tongue purple . It didn’t turn mine, and I wouldn’t have taken a pic anyway because that’s fuckin gross af, but the bar was good! White chocolate packed with gooey purple icing - yeah, go ahead and chalk up a W . Fitness Fact: Purple icing is more anabolic than steroids . 8.5/10 (and 9/10 for nostalgia purposes )
Stimulants are the foundation of the food pyramid. Who needs calories?
I was about to give these a terrible review, then I realized one of my cats farted right before I took a bite so that’s why it was so gross 🧐. After a turd-free attempt, it was good . Carrot cake? Not so much. Little bit of cinnamon and nutmeg, plus obviously sweet af (it’s a donut), but nothing like an actual carrot cake . Ima say 6.5/10 (ate 1,000 calories-worth regardless)
I was gonna do a Spinach review for April Fools but I fell asleep just thinking about it . So here is the exact opposite of Spinach - brownie bites with peanut butter icing and @reeses pieces on top. I think these poppable treats were created to slowly ween kids off of Tide Pods - and they work . Not near as good as actual Reese cups but the brownie was soft, the icing was sweet, and the added crunch was a major key . 8/10